LinkedIn Suggests You Congratulate Taylor

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I'm not sure about you, but one of the highlights of my day is the email I get from LinkedIn reminding me to congratulate others on their professional accomplishments and achievements. I get a real tickle watching everyone else progress in professional adult life so nicely with their promotions and new jobs. Just a real tickle.

I know LinkedIn doesn't mean to be rude, but they've forgotten to remind everyone of my accomplishments, as well. I know because I've anxiously been waiting to one day see my name pop up in an email from LinkedIn. Yet it's never happened.

But if it did happen, it would go something like this.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor on her newest accomplishment. On Monday evening she did a tap dance number on stage entitled "Pizza Guys" while holding and swirling an old pizza box with leftover crumbs still inside. She was only a backup dancer, but she nailed those damn time-steps. And she didn't fall off the stage. The following night she played a talking old cockroach who got into a fight with his wife.


LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she ate a very large portion of cheese dip late last evening before looking at the lid and realizing there was mold on it. She took it like a champ and simply threw the remainder of the dip away and she is yet to get sick from it.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she took a big step forward in appreciating her own life and officially stopped following Kendall Jenner on Instagram. It was only making her feel bad about her own lack of Range Rovers and non-existent majestic shiny dark hair. She also realized it's simply not healthy to have a fascination with an eighteen year old girl, no matter how rich or famous or stupidly gorgeous she is.



LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because after nearly two years of never being able to find more than one oddly colored pink hair-tie, she finally took the plunge and purchased an entire new pack from Walgreens this week! It's a big purchase, but she is feeling really good about it and the opportunities that might come from it.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she hasn't tweeted @ComcastMike in almost 12 minutes. That's pretty good for her. If you follow her on Twitter you might have seen some of her crazy Comcast Tweets, she makes no apologies. She also hasn't called Comcast yet to discuss the charges that she's been told NINE times will be dropped, literally nine, and she's really trying hard to hold off until next week when she'll inevitably have to call again and have the same conversation she's been having three times a week for five weeks now. Also, she's only cried because of Comast once this week.


LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she just took one big step toward professional blogger level and bought herself a fancy new At-A-Glance planner from Office Max this morning. Initially she picked it up because she thought it was only $6.99, so when it rang up for $14.00 she was faced with a very tough decision. She considered putting it back and even stepped away from the register, but then she thought, "No, I deserve this. You gotta live a little, right?" She's not sure what she's going to put in the planner but she is certain big things will come from it. (There's a "pin it" button on the photo in case you want to save it to your "Dream Planner" board or something, just an FYI.)

And that's just a few reasons why LinkedIn should be encouraging others to congratulate me. But it's not like I need reinforcement from anyone, when you're nailing life you just know, you know?

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42 comments:

  1. My planner was only $6.99. And seriously Comcast needs to get it together.... You're like famous.

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  2. You are hilarious. Enough said. (after that, that is...)

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  3. So funny. I too need to call Comcast because they suck at life. I have a 4.99 Target planner. :)

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  4. Oh comcast! They keps sending me bills this summer even though I cancelled our service, so I just completely ignored them. And then they sent me a refund check out of nowhere for the money they owed me, and now I feel like completely ignoring them is the way to live your life.

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  5. Congratulations Taylor, on all your incredible accomplishments!! Go out and buy a new cheese dip, you deserve it!

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  6. Congrats on not getting sick from the cheese spread. Big things to come! :] // itsCarmen.com ☼

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  7. Man I like you more everyday. thank you for not having a whitney english planner. not that there's anything wrong with that. i will congratulate you on that. hell, i'll recommend you for that as well as unfollowing kendall. i don't even follow that many celebrities but dammit i follow her.

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  8. hahahhaa congratulations! you've had a big big week

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  9. These are awesome. Congratulations on all of it! Especially not throwing up after the moldy cheese incident.

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  10. I will certainly congratulate you on nailing time steps! Those are my freaking favorite part of tap and hard to do while holding any type of prop. Loving the sparkly notebooks- I hear Target's back to school sales calling me home.

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  11. I was lucky enough that a few years ago our city decided that Comcast was no longer allowed to be a monopoly. It was pretty much the best day of my life when I broke up with them. I think if I ever move anywhere new a requirement will be that I don't have to have Comcrap or Time Warner.

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  12. I congratulate you:) This post was too funny…love love loved it!!

    xo, Taylor

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  13. This is hilarious. I have been waiting for Linkedin to send the memo out after I quit my sales job of 8 years to open my own business. Apparently they only do shout outs for corporate jobs. No one applauds the crazy gal who decides to run her own business. ;) Love that hot pink planner, btw.

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  14. HAA thank God I'm not the only one who can't take looking at Kendall Jenner's social media. It's just a constant reminder that life isn't fair.

    I think your new planner is gorgeous. In fact, my $4.99 Target planner really does dream of becoming it someday.

    Love, Gigi
    Dolce and Gabriella

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  15. Hahaha.I absolutely love this! LinkedIn just sent me an email that says, "Elizabeth, find out how in demand you are." I'm gonna guess probabbbbbly not very much! :)

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  16. Congrats to Taylor from Kristin! All big deals :) I'm proud of myself when I eat a sandwhich that may or may not have mold and keep it down! Btw. Totally get the comcast thing we have been fighting them off and on for YEARS on charges. Good luck with that!

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  17. I hereby congratulate you on all of these amazing accomplishments. You're doing great at life!

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  18. Congratulations!!! #winningatlife

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  19. Hilarious. Especially the moldy cheese dip :)

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  20. Congratulations! You are absolutely winning at life. (My planner was only 7.99 at Target)

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  21. I love this post! Such a relate-able post.

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  22. I totally agree that those emails are so annoying (especially when they remind you that people you thought would never "get ahead" of you, are "getting ahead" of you… I say it in quotes because who really wants to be a slave to the corporate structure!!!!??)…. Also thank you for pushing me to unfollow the Jenner sisters on IG… my excuse was "I like how they edit their photos" but who am I kidding? Gaining another point towards my confidence and unsubscribing to those effing Linked In emails right meow.

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  23. Congtrats! These are totally things worth congratulating!

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  24. I also would like to say congrats to you because you are so bloody awesome

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  25. You definitely deserve a congrats! :) Love this!

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  26. Congratulations, Taylor! Kendall Jenner obviously has it all wrong... new planners and packages of hair ties sound way more appealing than shiny dark hair and brand new Range Rovers. :)

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  27. You totally talked me into unfollowing Kendall Jenner on IG too. Not really sure why I did in the first place. She just makes me feel poor and fat. (and I'm not that poor or that fat.) ha!

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  28. Are you sure those are bloody mary's you drink? Cause at this rate-I believe it is tiger blood.
    or donkey juice.
    Tears are running down my face.

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  29. Congrats Tay, I will definitely pin it onto my dream planner board. ;)

    guesswhathollie.blogspot.co.uk

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  30. hahhaha this might be my new favorite. I hate those damn emails.

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  31. Hahaha absolutely hilarious. I unfollowed Kendall Jenner, too. ;)

    http://www.iolablog.com/

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  32. You are hilarious! Love reading your blog!

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