1. The Donuts In My Lap.
What you want it to say: Look at me eating donuts! Love Saturday! Cheat day! Giggles.
But in reality: You walked to get those donuts with your dog and on the way back he ran into his neighborhood enemy #1, Charles the large Poodle, and he nearly knocked you over when he suddenly pulled at the leash too hard. He spilled your coffee tumbler all over your coat in the process and you screamed DAMN IT HARLOW! And then everyone looked because they think you're a terrible dog mom. But you're not, you're just trying to get some damn donuts to take a damn instagram to show how much you LOVE SATURDAYS.
2. Coffee In Bed Again!
What you want it so say: Look how cozy I am drinking coffee on my clean white blanket. But my funky socks mean I also have a touch of silly! He he. Life is fun and silly.
But in reality: It's 3 p.m. on a Wednesday and you have to take a photo to show off these socks because someone sent them to you and you're like, ya I like socks. And I haven't bought new socks forever because I'm cheap, so sure, send me socks. But now that you have to take this photo you're regretting it and feeling stupid because you don't drink coffee in bed wearing funky socks on a white blanket. No one has time for that shit. But for this photo, you suck it up and pretend that you do. Also, the coffee is five hours old.
3. The Showing Off My Workout Gear.
But in reality: you haven't worked out on a Saturday since your mom made you go to her Jazzercise class with her in 1993 because she couldn't find a babysitter. Instead you're just sitting on this rug because you're proud of the new yoga pants you cant wait to wear around your house all day. Also, you're hungover.
4. Cozy and Happy In My White Sweater and Ripped Jeans.
What you want it to say: Your guess is as good as mine here. I don't actually know what was going on. Basically I saw some other fashion blogger take a similar photo and in my head I thought, damn that sweater looks happy. I'm going to reenact it. Another swing and a miss on my end. It happens.
But in reality: NO ONE KNOWS.
5. Look At Me Brunching!
But in reality: You made your fiance take this photo and 100 others just like it and got mad at him because he couldn't get the right shot where you didn't have a total darfus look on your face. Also, the owners of the Chinese restaurant in your alley like to watch your brick wall photos and now call you "brick wall girl" when they see you approaching ....
6. Oh hells.
I love it because 1. I'm going to wear it to my Bloody Mary brunch the day after our wedding. And 2. I'm giving it to all of my "old married friends" as well. And my parents. And my grandparents. It's a shirt that everyone can love.
Married Always and Forever. You betcha.
Happy Valentines Day! I'll be liking the hell out of all of your flower pics on Instagram all weekend long! Per the usual, @heleneinbetween is already setting the bar high with this one. I'm not even going to try and compete.