Things That Make Me Nervous At A Wedding

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

This past weekend shall be known as the weekend everyone got married. Luckily Chris and I aren't that popular so we only got invited to one, but quite a few of our friends had several to attend.

I love how people wear their wedding invites like a badge of honor. Do you want to know how you can tell if someone has a lot of weddings to go to? You know because they tell you. "Well we have 79 weddings to go to this summer. Can you believe that?" They tell you like they're mad, but really they're feeling pretty okay about it. And rightfully so, 79 is a lot.

On Saturday we went to our first wedding since we've been engaged. I paid just a little bit more attention to things than I usually do, mostly to the things that made me itchy with anxiety. Like for example...

The bride walking down the aisle.

This is a big one. This is a big one that makes my stomach queezy and my eyes watery. I fear there's no way around it. Everyone standing to look at her during this emotional private moment (but obviously not private moment) is too much for me. Would it be too much to ask if I could tell a few jokes while I walk down the aisle or purposely trip or get a pie in the face or something? I would prefer anything than to have people stare at me with that misty sentimental look in their eye.

My go-to escape during emotional moments I can't handle are awkward inappropriate jokes. And I have a feeling my wedding is going to be full of them. I'm going to be that weird uncle no one wanted to invite at my very own wedding.

And the whole "who's gives this woman away" part is not for me.

Of course my dad will walk me down the aisle, but no one is giving anyone away. I'm not going anywhere. I'd prefer "who raised this person to have such a sick sense of humor?" And then my dad can chuckle and say I did. And that will be that.

Then we've got the wedding party entrance.

Where do I even start? Is there any way to skip this? Or should I just tell my bridesmaids to ride on their groomsmen's back and call it a day? I'll get back to you on this one.

The speeches.

Wedding speeches are my absolute favorite. If they're good, I love them. If they're bad, I love them even more. My sister got married the summer The Hangover came out so I gave the Wolf Pack speech as her maid of honor. Did it hit? No, not at all. But I'll never regret it. You have to be bold with what you say.

And that's why I've proposed at our wedding we'll have a roast. Every person in our wedding party will get to say something terrible at our expense. I think this will be the most fun ever, however everyone I've told this idea to thus far seems to think it's an awful idea.

So much to decide. And as of last Friday, our wedding is only 14 months away. How will I ever get anything done in that short amount of time.

By The Time You're Reading This...

Friday, May 22, 2015

By the time you’re reading this my Memorial weekend has hopefully already started.

I’ve already made the painful 7 hour drive back to Nebraska with Chris driving, and 70 pound Harlow sitting on my lap the entire way- breathing heavily and farting at his leisure. Same goes for Harlow. Just kidding (although I think we all know I’m not.)

We’ve already had our pre road trip bickers. Your golf clubs won’t fit! Yes they will. Where is my phone charger? Why are you always my hiding shit? No, I haven’t seen your swim trunks- why would I hide your swim trunks? Whoops, I think I hid your swim trunks…

And hopefully we made it out of the city in less than two hours (and still talking to each other.) The start of road trips are always hard, I’m just being honest here.

Choosing which lane is faster, when it’s appropriate to get gas, where to exit to get gas, which music to listen to, these are all things that make a relationship stronger!

I’m sure it was smooth sailing by the time we got to Iowa and we’d already started playing our favorite road trip game- what would you do if you won the lottery? Chris’s answer never changes, he wouldn’t tell anyone and he’d invest it wisely.  He might splurge and buy a new car.

Mine is a bit different… I immediately fly my closest friends and family to an island to celebrate all weekend long. And then I buy a big plot of land somewhere and start building the Harlow Foundation: an animal rescue sanctuary. And of course I buy my beach house to write that Oscar winning screenplay starring me and Jennifer Lawrence as best friends! Obviously.

By the time you’re reading this I’m sure Chris and I have already both eaten our weight in beef jerky. I packed almonds, but if I know me, they haven’t even been open. It's damn near impossible to eat healthy in a car. Besides, who doesn't like to start a lake weekend with a good sodium bloat?

Anyway, now it's officially time for Friday. Hope you get to do something fun!

Happy Memorial weekend! And a big huge thanks to everyone who has served for this country!


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Last night I watched the documentary FED UP on Netflix. And now I'm terrified to eat anything.

We all know child obesity is a problem, but I don't think a lot of us realize just how big of a problem it is. And we're pointing our fingers in the wrong direction, or at least I was.

Prior to watching this documentary I was kind of an asshole in regards to the idea of our country's children getting so large. My thought was pretty simple (and ignorant.) These kids need to get off their ipads and video games and go outside! Go run, go play, go climb a tree! When I was a kid I spent my days playing every sport imaginable, and when there weren't any more sports to play or any other kids to play with me, I would run my own obstacle courses and time myself. Sure, I might have been on the extreme spectrum of active children, but kids today are just lazy and that's the problem. Right? Wrong. Well kind of wrong, anyway.

Yes, lack of physical activity is clearly an issue here. But there's a much bigger issue at play.

Sugar. So. Much. Sugar.

This documentary was downright heartbreaking as you watched these extremely overweight children in tears talking about their weight struggle. They are trying to be active and lose weight, but it's not working.  They're eating the "diet food" like Special K chips and Lean Pockets and all of that other shit marked "fat free" but they continue to gain weight. Their waists get bigger and their self worth gets smaller.

When food companies started to take out the fat they added the sugar. And now our sugar consumption in the U.S. is out of this world. The generation of children today are the first generation expected to have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. This one really hit me.

I know I seem like the last person who should be ranting about this given my food choices I often post on here and Instagram... but you're just seeing the weekend eats. During the week I try to eat healthy. And after watching this documentary and seeing all of the over processed crap I've been consuming,  I'm going to try even harder.

Although if I'm being honest I am slightly mad I just watched this before a road trip because I still really want my road trip snacks... Combos. Jerky. Apple-Os... They're my three best friends, and it's just not a road trip without them. But I will resist.

The food industry is terrifying to me. If you haven't watched FED UP, I suggest you do. And then you'll probably never pick up a soda again in your life.

What a great post right before Memorial Weekend... Sorry, I'm sure we're all going to be okay in the end. It's only food, right?

We Have A Date- a wedding update

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

We finally set a date!

June 24, 2015 at 9 a.m. That's the big day. I've gone back and forth about this a lot because it makes me nervous, but the skin tag under Harlow's arm pit has to be removed, so on June 24th it's coming off.

I'm an asshole... I know. Although there really is a skin tag that must be removed on Harlow. I just hate putting him under to do these types of things because I've read every terrible story on the internet about how some dogs don't wake up and then I work myself into a nervous frenzy. Does anyone else cry when their dog has to leave their side for a few hours because they have serious dependency issues and separation anxiety? Just me? Cool cool.

But back to the real date. The date everyone likes to ask me about. The date that every other girl BUT me seems to set the very day they get engaged. That date.

Tape up the streamers and get out the fancy clear balloons from Wal Mart with something really cool inside like a teddy bear holding a lolly pop because we actually have a date!

July 23, 2016. *I just had to confirm in my planner this is the actual date, I think it's right.

Is this the date of my parents anniversary? No. Is it Chris's parents? No. Grandparents? Not sure.

It's the date of something much more important.

July 23rd, 1997 is the day I competed in my first ever Cornhusker State Games Girls Under 12 Track Meet. And I won.

I won the high jump and I almost won the 100 meter dash. For the sake of this post and my future wedding date, let's say I won the 100, as well. On this date I just had a feeling I would go on to do big things. I think I even wrote in my Limited Too diary I was pretty sure I'd be at the next Olympics. Clearly my child's intuition was spot on.

July 23rd is also the day I went to my first summer camp and really found myself.

And it just happens to be the day I taped my first "Made" video for MTV in junior High. "Hey MTV, it's me Taylor and I want to be a surfer girl! But I live in the Nebraska and the only waves I see are waves of cornfields!" *cue studio laughter.

So this day is clearly full of monumental events.

And in 2016 it will be the day Chris and I tie the knot in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. We haven't worked out all of the details, but we're hoping to do an outdoor ceremony at Lake Catamount followed by a tented reception.

So coffee cheers to Colorado!

I invite you all to come on this wonderful journey and listen to me blog about every last detail for the next 15 months. First things first, where can I get a handsome tuxedo for Harlow? Second things second, is anyone friends with Taylor Swift? I kind of want her to sing at my wedding. If you can hook this up I'd really appreciate it.

*If I find the Made video at my parents house and can figure out how to put it on here I promise to post it. It's too good not to.

9 Things I Started Doing Because Of Him

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A photo of Chris and I back in the 70s when we first started dating. It's black and white because we didn't have color back then.

I started eating chicken wings. 
Pre-Chris I hated everything about wings- eating meat off the bone like a barbarian, dirty napkins galore, and messy sauce on your cheeks. But damn it, chicken wings are delicious and Chris made me realize this.

Survivor shows.
I watch them now. I watch all of them. If left in the wilderness I'm confident I could make a fire, sterilize my water and make a canoe out of snake skin. I might just sign up for Naked and Afraid.

White noise.
There are two types of people in this world: those who need a fan when they sleep and those who do not. Chris has made me a fan person and I hate him for it. What if I'm somewhere and there's not a fan?! Like at my parents house? WHAT DO I DO???

Putting lids on things.
Chris has taught me how to put lids on things correctly so when you pull something out of the fridge, say like a tubberware of beans for example, the lid is snapped on tightly so the beans don't spill everywhere.

Every time I recorded a show on DVR for Chris that wasn't in HD a little piece of him died. He came close to breaking up with me numerous times I'm quite sure. In the beginning I honestly couldn't tell. It was all the same to me. But after living with him for 100 years I get it now. And watching regular TV when you have HD is like eating eggs plain when you have Siracha in the fridge. It's just silly.

Surround sound.
Same can be said for sound quality when watching TV/movies. Why are guys so into this stuff?

Siracha and Lawrys.
Put them on everything or get out. I went through a phase where I didn't put salt on anything for years. And then I met Chris and all hope was lost.

Sleeping in.
I used to be an early riser on weekdays and weekends. But Chris's ability to sleep in has rubbed off on me. Sometimes on a winter weekend we don't get out of bed before 11! I feel like a lazy college kid just writing this terrible fact.

I love it now. Chris has great taste in beer and he's always bringing home new stuff to try. We know our corner liquor store owner by name (it's Vinny.) Vinny special orders new beers for Chris and since we frequent there so often (with Harlow) he also keeps special dog treats behind the counter. So what I'm saying is I used to be a "vodka and lemon water kind of girl" GAG! And now I only drink beer.

I'm sure this list could go on and on, but we'll wrap it up here. What have you started doing thanks to your significant other?

Also... I think we have a date set. For real this time. Perhaps a wedding update is in order for tomorrow?

Great American Road Trip

Monday, May 18, 2015

Every summer I get this itch to go on a Great American Road Trip. I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but I get the itch to figure it out.

Last summer we almost did it.  We looked up campgrounds, found camping supplies, and we're all ready to do it. But at the last minute we decided to forget the tents and just go stay with our friend Sara in the Ozaks. She's got a great boat and a really nice cabin so.... so that kind of trumped camping.

But my urge is back this year. And if I could get in a car and go absolutely anywhere, I'd hit the Pacific Northwest.

Something about this beautiful part of the country has been calling my name lately. When I was a kid I drove with my relatives from Washington state back to Nebraska over the summer.

But what I remember most from that trip was lying in the back of the RV eating beef jerky and playing with the tiny Barbies I got in my McDonalds Happy Meals... So what I'm saying is I'd like to relive that exact same trip because obviously it was awesome.

Where would you go? I've partnered with asterRIDE today and that's exactly what they're asking. It's kind of a fun question to think about. If you could embark on a great trip to anywhere, where would the road lead you?

I've romanticized my entire Northwest road trip and like most of my day dreams, it probably doesn't make any sense. I envision us camping in the forest and on the beach, and then going to vineyards and going hiking and having the most amazing time ever. I forget to think about the little details like showering and using a toilet. I leave that stuff up to Chris.

I just like to think about the adventure of exploring a new place and seeing this guy's head out the window the entire ride.

This trip might not happen this year, but it will eventually. I'll make sure of it. If you have any knowledge about this part of the country I'd love your input!

What's the best road trip you've taken? asterRide is a new company that gives you a lot of options for where you want to go. You can choose a taxi, luxury sedan, limousine, party bus or charter bus (selection may vary depending on location). Right now asterRide is currently available in Chicago, Seattle, Phoenix, Orlando and Everett, Washington. Coming soon to Los Angeles, Portland, Minneapolis, San Diego and others.

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The Day After

It's hard to do Monday after a really great weekend.

And this past weekend was really really good. From start to finish, it definitely ranks up there with my best birthdays. Of course nothing will ever top my 9th birthday when we got a trampoline, but that's just a fact of life I've come to accept.

It started Friday evening when we went to The Book of Mormon. My mom requested a birthday outfit selfie and naturally I obliged her.

I don't think I could like a style more right now than a high waisted skirt with a crop. It's a perfect way for me to still dress like grandma while also adding a touch of teenager.

The Book of Mormon was hilarious. I've seen it before and forgot just how far they push the envelope. Have you seen it? If you're not easily offended and like to laugh at terrible situations, I suggest you go. It's probably my favorite show ever.

After the show we went to Tanta and sat on their rooftop and ate Peruvian small plates like empanadas and ceviche. If you're in Chicago or will be making a summer trip here, go to Tanta. You won't be let down.

And Saturday we brunched at Summer House where they serve their Bloodys with a fat slice a bacon rolled in butter and sugar and everything nice.

Bonus: the waitress spilled coffee on me so we got this dessert on the house. I usually spill coffee on myself for free so this was a nice little surprise.

This is my 8th birthday we've celebrated together. The first was in Lincoln when he flew home from Europe and surprised me on my 21st. It was midnight and there may have been a few pre drinks consumed before getting let into the bar so you can imagine my confusion when Chris popped up. 
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Spain? Am I in Spain? Are we all in Spain right now? What is happening..." That was a fun night.
But back to 2015....
Saturday afternoon there was a brief (long) stop at Big Star because that's just what you do on a hot Saturday afternoon in Chicago.
Too many margaritas may have been consumed because the night eventually led us to our friends house where I spent a good part of the evening hanging out alone in a bedroom with two cats talking about life. 

And then this was Sunday. 

Today I'm struggling just slightly. Mostly because I already miss my friends Joan and Peggy and Sally and Don. Oh Don Draper. What am I supposed to do without Mad Men in my life? Did you watch last night? Can we talk about it? What are your thoughts?

Happy almost Memorial Weekend. Summer is HERE.