Saturday, December 20, 2014

Two Little Pigs Down Under

Introducing blogging twins, Lydia and Rosie, from Two Little Pigs Down Under.

1. You're identical twins and you have a blog. I love it. What made you decide to start blogging together?

We think it was more the demand of the people that made us start this blog. We became pretty big deals in the travel blog world as we blogged our way around South East Asia at Three Little Pigs On Tour for 3 months in 2013/nobody read a single little dime that we wrote. Anyway, probably from the pressure of all the fame and recognition and touching of our blonde hair, a few mishaps occurred and three little pigs became two as we couldn't afford to continue traveling unless we got working visas for Australia. That was 18 months ago, and we started two little pigs down under in June this year, fundamentally due to popular demand. And parental suggestion. And being unemployed and having muchos time on our hands. But mostly popular demand.

Without meaning to sound like a wet little Wendyos, it would never have occurred to us to start blogging without each other. We pretty much bring out the best in each other, so we just hoped that would come out in blogging. Plus, we find each other REALLY funny. Like wetting knickers on the reg kinda funny.

2. What been most challenging so far about blogging?

The hardest things about blogging have definitely been a) finding that elusive 'voice' that every blogger advice article will tell you you urgently need to find when you first start out, and b) getting Debby Downsville when our blog didn't go viral in like the first day week. Finding a voice is hard at the beginning because we literally didn't know who the Jerry Jefferson was gonna read it apart from our family and ourselves. It's really easy when you start to just slip into copying the voices of the blogs you read yourself. Over the past few months though we've learned that you can literally write about anything, it's our damn blog & if we want to spam it with excessive childhood throwbacks and breakfast photos then ain't no baday holdin us back!!! #Preach

3. Is there anything difficult about a being a twin?

The only hard thing about being a twin is how invested you are in someone else's happiness; like you need to be a happy unit to be a happy person individually. It's basically kinda like Noah when he's all "if you're a bird, I'm a bird" in the notebook with old Allie-Pants but with us it's more like "if you're a hormonal little devil pig going through a break up and resigning yourself to a life of cheesy chips and gravy and toddlers and tiaras on repeat" then you've got someone right there with you through it all, sista. Like signed up and ready to embark on that life together in twin beds and matching nighties. Apart from that though, being a twin is probably definitely absolutely the best part of life. Growing up was like a constant sleepover, and eventually growing out of our bunk beds (more room for activities) and into our own rooms became nothing short of an emotional upheaval. I (Rosie) sat there, in my new room (next door to Lyds) with a family photo album looking at old pictures of Lyd and I when we were 'kids' (like 2 weeks earlier), with heaps of raw emotion and feelings. I mean can you even imagine? (In my defence I think I'd been watching too much Eastenders (corny classic English soap opera anyone?) and was all pained expressions and lingering moody looks for a few weeks just to let everyone know how tough my new life in my new room was.)

4. What are you most looking forward to about the holidays?

Well, where to start!! We are actually currently off work for a whole entire shiny month; jetting around New Zealand with our little piggy backpacks firmly in place upon our backs. THREE WEEKS of this glory, complete with an entire week of the two little pigs at the helm of a campervan (we named her Bellatrix or Trixie for short) which, even if we may say so ourselves, went remarkably smoothly considering last time we hired a vehicle overseas we ended up losing almost every cent of our hard earned travelling money and one little pig had to make several visits to a Thai hospital, anyway. So weve been as happy as pigs in sh*t driving, blogging, taking pictures on our trusty camera #Melanie of whom we have shared custody, and lots of looking at beautiful New Zealandish scenery. And theeeeen it's back to Sydney for Christmas in the sunshine by the pool, alcoholic beverage in hand!! Thanks!! Thanks to you and all who sail in you!!

5. I know this is cliche, but I have to know. Is twin intuition a real thing?

A cliche!! No!!! No no no we've never been asked that question before not even once. Just like we've NEVER been asked by a teeny weeny single person whether we share the same birthday and be greeted with rapturous laughter as if it's the most hilariously ironic question ever when we return a blank-pig like stare.

But no, in all seriousness. Twintuition is a real thing – but not because we have supernatural telepathic powers and can always tell exactly what the other is thinking, but more because trotting out of the same womb surely gives some piglets real time to connect, ya know? Like we had A LOT of time to get to know each other in there (in amongst long lunches, political debates and muchos nap time) and so we are pretty effing similar.

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Friday, December 19, 2014

Twas The Week Before Christmas

And this is a glance into life as of late.

I've been a really intense hermit for the past few weeks. I can't tell you how much I love staying in, drinking wine on the couch, all while I just creepily stare at my Christmas tree and smile. Besides escaping to do a few shows, I've gotten myself into a very bad routine of never wanting to leave the house. Chris is starting to think I have a problem. I probably do. 

You know who doesn't think I have a problem? This guy. He loves the fact I never leave his side. His clinger status is at an all time high lately. 

However we did venture out last week for Chris's holiday party. I texted this photo to my mom and she responded, "Have you both had a lot to drink?" No, mom we hadn't- yet. This was actually at the start of the night, but thanks for asking. And yes, I'm aware we both have crazy hair and weird smiles going on. There must have been something in the air.


Okay, maybe at this point we'd had a bit to drink.

And then we also made a brief visit to Zoo Lights a few nights ago.

But for the most part life has been spent right here.

Wearing jeans and oversized cardigans, all day every day. I'm really trying my best to "change with the times" and "keep up with the fads of Instagram" but I just can't get into this trend of taking a weird photo from my stomach down. It just feels odd. Don't get me wrong, I like when you do it, I just can't.

It's not you, it's me.

But I'm all about the no face in the photo thing. Hells yes, more of this. The less I have to pretend to put on makeup, the better.

cardigan found here.

Go do your weekend stuff, friends. The holidays are officially here.

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Thursday, December 18, 2014

A Dog's Prayer

"Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in the entire world is more grateful for your kindness than mine. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. After all, you have your job, your friends, and your entertainment. I only have you." -A Dog's Prayer.

Today Mikey the dog is crossing the Rainbow Bridge.

But thanks to all of you, Mikey was able to live his last two weeks in the home of an amazing foster family.

It's also because of the money raised that he was able to see an orthopedic surgeon, but sadly the results were not what we had hoped. The doctors found a very large tumor growing on his spinal chord, which is why his back legs had become paralyzed. Because of the size and location of the tumor they knew they weren't going to be able to remove it and Mikey's condition would continue to deteriorate.

Although based on Mikey's smile, you'd never know.

Mikey with his foster sister. These two really seemed to have that connection that only a dog and a child can have.

You can read more about Mikey (and see other sweet photos) by clicking here.

Stories like this can really bring me down. They torture me to the point where I sickly start searching the internet trying to figure out ways I can help, but instead I end up getting lost in all of the other sad stories like it. It's a dark path and it typically doesn't lead anywhere good.

So instead of feeling blue about the fact I haven't figured out a way to save every animal, I'm going to try to focus on something more positive.

Like the fact that today is the day Mikey gets to meet all of our wonderful pups who have gone before home. So do me a favor, Sweet Mikey, as your running free through the never ending fields, chasing unlimited frisbees and tennis balls, say hello to my old friend Jagz. He might look a little scary, but he's not. (However if he has a bone, maybe give him a minute or two.)

Today is the day Mikey gets his legs back.

*Any remaining funds that were raised will be donated to help another disabled dog named, Suzy, who is being treated by Mikey's same doctor. Thank you again to everyone who gave something!

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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

19 Things To Love About Going Home For The Holidays- Norfolk, Nebraska

Sledding at Skyview. If there's snow...

Ice-skating at Divots. I've heard this is a thing now and I'm totally into it. Back in my day the only ice-skating option was at Andy's Lake.

Visiting the very real/slightly scary looking Santa outside of JC Penny at the always adorable Sunset Plaza Mall.

Speaking of the Sunset Plaza, I'm always a sucker for the people selling candy/nuts/everything else delicious at the annual holiday craft show that sets up shop every year in the middle of the mall.

A burrito grande from Ricardos.

Norfolk might not have the Rockefeller Tree but we've got the beautiful downtown tree which is always very festive.

And while you're downtown pop into Three Eighteen On The Avenue and look at all of their cute tops and holiday dresses.

Having a drink at the 5th Street. The vintage holiday decor in this bar is my absolute favorite. And they also know how to pour a tall glass of wine.

Godfather's taco pizza. Or is this just my thing? Norfolk is the only place I'll eat this kind of pizza.

Bags and bags of the best beef jerky from R & M Meats LLC.

Then working off all of the jerky and pizza at a barre or kickboxing class at Bella Barre.

The snow village at Prengers puts every other snow village to shame.

Christmas boxes at Northeast Community College. Okay I guess these don't exist anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about them.

Going into any store and knowing at least five people.

The Christmas lights on all of the houses. People in Norfolk go big or go home when it comes to their outside decor.

The Business After Hours holiday party. I went a few years ago with my sister and all I can say is those people like to party.

Grabbing a tastee beef and tots from Tastee Treat.

Little kids singing carols at every church service in town.

Cookie baskets delivered to my parents house from everyone they've ever met in their life. You just can't beat small town hospitality around the holidays.

Happy Holidays, everyone!


Have something nice to add? Comment below!
Have something negative? Please don't, that's just annoying and rude.

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The Christmas Card

A holiday hello from me to you.

And now to follow up my Christmas card with my annual Wolfe-Hillis Christmas letter. A letter written by a random "narrator" as Christmas letters usually are, full of nothing but humble brags letting everyone else know how great my family is. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Uncle Frank always does.

Dearest Friends and Family,

What a year it has been! Time has really flown, hasn't it? Seems like just yesterday we were welcoming in the New Year making great plans for 2014 and here we are with 2015 already knocking on the door.

Chris had a very big year and is still doing well with his job, he makes it on time almost every day now. A lot of his fellow employees take home beverages from the free beverage fridge but Chris refuses to do so because that's just who he is. No matter how much Taylor begs for free Vitamin Water, he refuses. What a guy, that Chris.

He took a trip to Vegas with his college pals in August for a bachelor party and declared it was "the best trip of his life." I'm sure they got into quite a bit of mischief wrestling each other in the pool and doing canon balls and whatnot- and perhaps even drinking a beer or two in the evening. After all, boys will be boys.

But the highlight of 2014 for Chris has really been his beard. It is as full and as thick as it has ever been. And he's quite proud of it- as he should be. He can barely walk down the street without a fellow hipster guy stopping him to say, "nice beard, man." In fact that's his nickname now, Nice Beard Man. It's become like his security blanket, he rubs it all the time and he doesn't even know he's doing it. I think it just makes him feel safe.

Speaking of life accomplishments, I'm sure you noticed Harlow's glamour shot on the card above. Well Harlow booked his first commercial ad this year. We are all so proud of him because this is a very big deal. I'm sure the ad agency is going to call any day now to give us further details... Any day now. They're probably just really busy, what with the holidays and everything.

Really though, Harlow is truly just the best dog ever. If we would change his name, we would change it to Blessed, because that's how we feel. He never does anything wrong. He never steals bagels from the counter, or Poppyseed Muffins from the table, and he certainly never gets into the candy jar, leaving a trail of Twix wrappers and chocolate drool in his path.

Last but not least, we have Taylor. Last year in January she playfully declared 2014 as "The Year of the Wolfe." She went on several auditions this past year and also took a stab at living out her childhood dream by getting a talent agent. Of course she failed at all of the above, but by God she gave it a try. Like her basketball coach always told her, "You might not have the most skill, but you sure do have a lot of heart."

She graduated from both Chicago comedy institutions, The Second City and iO and is anxious to see what comes next. Like her college English degree, she is certain having certificates in improv is really going to benefit her in the future. Her optimism is always admirable.

In October she lived out a life long goal and was able to do standup in New York for the first time. She was certain this was going to be her "big break." Per the usual, it didn't pan out as she had hoped. But boy was the pizza good.

In November she attempted to participate in NANO- which is the "write a 60,000 word novel in 30 days" challenge. It went very well until she hit about the 5,000 word mark and got distracted by a scratch on her end table. She decided her time would probably be better spent repainting said end table, so she promptly put the novel on the back burner. But you should see that end table, it looks great now!

Before I get too long winded, I better wrap this up. Cheers to hoping your 2014 was just as wonderful as the Wolfe-Hillis clan. Wishing you nothing but a wonderful Christmas and Hanukkah season and many #blessings in the future!

Warm Holiday Wishes,
Strange Narrator Woman

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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Daily Tay's Most Fascinating People of 2014- Part II

Remember how I said I was bringing you part two of this list  tomorrow? Gotcha! I'm actually doing it today. Aren't you lucky!

So let's pick right back up where we left off.

#6. Afton Burton.

Also known as the new wife of Charles Manson. Also known as a woman who really believes in "second chances." Afton strongly stands by her man and is certain he is innocent and did not commit any murders. None. Zero. Completely innocent. He's a just a good ol hippy boy done wrong by the government. Aren't we all- says the swastika tattoo on the middle of his forehead. Her complete disregard for reality and unbelievably naive opinions are quite fascinating to me. And also pretty disgusting.

#7. The cashier standing next to the self-checkout who refuses to help me.

A person with so much power, yet so little compassion. How does someone go through life watching others struggle against a machine claiming "unknown objects have been placed on scale" time and time and again without even flinching? Better yet, how must it feel to watch people freely do a job you get paid to do? I have a sneaking suspicion it must be wonderful. The angrier the customer, the better. Keep doing you, terrible employee. You're making the world go round.

#8. Kylie Jenner's Lips.

What a "natural" young beauty Kylie is. I'm not sure about you, but this is definitely how I looked when I was sixteen. Is that her age? I have no idea. Maybe she's 36 or 67, it really doesn't matter. The fact is her "new look" is fascinating to me. So fascinating in fact, one night I attempted to put lip liner over the the top of my lips (as Kylie claims she does, her huge lips are not because of surgery, just makeup) and Chris walked in, took one look at me and immediately asked, "have you been eating chocolate? Is that chocolate all over your lips?" Oh Kardashian-Jenner clan, thanks for making me love the world, one lipliner tutorial at a time.

#9. The person on the other end of a cab driver's conversation.

If you've ever been in a cab before, you know that cab drivers are ALWAYS on the phone. But who are they talking to? Who are these people that are able to carry on a two hour conversation at 3 p.m. in the afternoon? Or 8 p.m. at night? Or 1:30 a.m in the morning? And how does the tone never change? Seriously, who are cab drivers ALWAYS talking to? And what are they talking about? I am dying to know. Perhaps it's the call-girls from Instagram? Or maybe it's Comcast? We may never know and that's why these people fascinate me.

#10. John Oliver.

If not for just his Supreme Court dog sketch.

But also because John Oliver is amazing and he's changing the world for the better, one television show at time. If you're not familiar with him, get familiar. Turn off the Kardashians and turn on John Oliver.

*Honorable mention: People Who Still Believe Bill Cosby Is Innocent. However my anger in regards to this topic prevented me from actually listing them. 

2014 What a year. Can't wait to see what 2015 brings.

PS- Chicago people, I'm lucky enough to be in an amazing show tonight presented by Chicago Underground Comedy at The Beat Kitchen at 9:30 p.m. with The Whiskey Journal team and would love to see you there! It's going to be a great time and a great show, you don't want to miss it!

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Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Daily Tay's Most Fascinating People of 2014

Like Barbara's Walters list only better.

Well friends, it's that time of year again. That time when I reveal the most highly anticipated list of the year, my picks for the most fascinating people of 2014. You can refresh your memory and check out who made the list in 2013 here and in 2012 by clicking here.

But enough chit-chat, let's get right into it.

#1. Ariana Grande.

I recently found out Ariana Grande is indeed a real person and not just a life-sized Bratz doll like I originally thought. So kudos to her for that! Is she Alysaa Milano's daughter? Or a small kitten's mother? I honestly have no idea and that's why she fascinates me. I can tell she sings, but beyond that I am clueless. She's so tiny I just want to put her in my jean pocket. And then close that pocket. And then maybe give those jeans away to a homeless person and watch what happens. Keep doing you, tiny dancer girl.

#2. Call-Girls on Instagram.

I'm not sure if it's my alluring Insta username @taylorgracewolfe, or if it's the millions of seductive photos I post of Harlow every hour, but something about my account has the call-girls of Instagram flocking to it lately. Almost every single day I get a new female gal following me with a profile that says something like "Call me anytime, I love to chat with new friends!" Or maybe they just know I need to make more friends? I should give one of them a call sometime and see what's up.

#3. Elsa.

Again, I'm not really sure who this girl is, but I know she's really popular. Based off of her fishtail braid she might be a blogger? Or an Instagram-blogger? I'm not really sure. All I know is that my two-year-old niece absolutely loses her shit for anything Elsa related. And I've also known many adults who do as well. So she must be something really special.

#4. Sam Smith.

Because when I first heard his music I would have never guessed this is what he looked like. He looks like the guy you went to high school with in Fremont, Nebraska who used to smell like cigarettes and would party on the week nights. But man, he can sing.

#5. The person in an airplane who thinks they can push ahead in the aisle when everyone else is indeed waiting to get off the plane as well.

This person fascinates me because they clearly have somewhere much more important to be than everyone else on the plane so I'm dying to know more about them! Who are they? What do they do? What is their very important life like? It must be wonderful.

Want to see who made 5-10? You'll have to check back on Wednesday. The next five will blow your mind, I kid you not! 2014 was crazy!

Peace out, kids.

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