When I Start Asking Myself Why...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

So I made the mistake of watching the Kardashian interview with Ryan Seacrest the other day.
I don't know why I did it, because I knew I would regret it.
I knew I would hate myself for it.
And I was right.
Like everyone else in the world, a lot of the negativity I feel toward that family is rooted in jealousy.
I have no problem admitting that, it is what it is.
Would I like to get paid to hangout and eat and drink with my family all day?
Hells yes I would.

But the thing that really bothers me about Momma Kris is when she starts raving about her kids
 "work ethic" and how they're not just "famous for being famous."
Here's my two cents on this.
I think it's pretty obvious the Kardashians are either
a. incredibly business savvy
or b. have hired those that are incredibly business savvy to work for them.
I choose b.
Now as far as their "work ethic" goes... I do think they're hard workers,
but I think it's 100x easier to work hard at something you love doing.
Like fashion design, or modeling, or marrying NBA players, or whatever is they do.
Put those girls in a call center and then tell me they have a good work ethic.
Tell them to start selling coupons or work at a staffing agency,
then preach to me about how hard the Kardashians work.
Rob designs socks for God's sake,
the one article of clothing that there is truly never a need for anyone to ever see.
Socks. Really Rob? Come on. You once dated a Cheetah Girl.

Okay, I need to settle down.
I'm just having kind of a weird week... It's safe to say I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment.
Not lost in the depression commercial sense where I want to just lay and cry all day,
not at all.
Just lost in the sense I have no idea what my next step is going to be,
and I'm not sure if this is something I should feel okay about, or not okay about.

Last week I had to re-enroll for all of my classes at Second City and IO
and just as I was clicking "submit payment" I let a little voice of negativity slip in and start
asking why... 
Why are you doing this?
Why are you paying for these classes that might lead you nowhere?
Why do you think you're good enough to do this anyway?
Why are expecting something to come from all of this?
Why are you wasting time chasing this dream?

That Negative Nelly is a rude little thing, thus the reason I don't let her come around often.
But sometimes when I'm in the mood to throw myself a pity party,
I'll let her in just for the hell of it.
She runs her mouth for a minute or two, I feel bad, and then I kick her right back out.

(And yes, whenever I imagine my "good thoughts"vs my "bad thoughts"
they're always played out by Good Michelle and Bad Michelle.)

Luckily, it doesn't take long for me to start thinking positive again and I just habitually
start remembering all of the positive quotes I've seen through out my life.
I'm big on the self help power quotes. (Clearly they've worked out well for me.)
Like this one.

I think I stumbled across this quote as child and took it a little too literally,
because it's really done a number on me.
I feel like I just keep on trying weirder and weirder things as life goes on,
not really caring what the outcome will be.
Of course like anybody I'm scared of failing,
I just think I'm more scared of not trying.

And now I don't know where I'm going with any of this.
That Kardashian Special did more damage on me than I realized.
I need to go chill out with a Capri Sun for a second and regroup.
I'll be back tomorrow with a better plan of attack I promise.

Lost and confused,
Junie B. Jones



  1. Sometimes being brave is hard. The sock design crap is ridiculous. Enjoy your Capri Sun! I had myself so whipped up the other day, I *may* have had a juiceless mimosa around 7am.

  2. Hey Junie B. I know what you mean about the negative feelings....sometimes they just get the best of us. You obviously know how to kick them in the butt when needed. Good luck with your next steps in life!!! :)
    xx, Kristen

    The Mrs. and The Momma

  3. I totally understand how you feel!! im kind of at the same place right now in life and its just sucky! but i am happy you enrolled in classes and Hopefully it will work for the best!!
    I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week!!
    PS im having a giveaway on the blog for a 18k gold monnogrammed necklace! you should check it out! it would be a good pick me up!!

  4. i made the mistake of watching one of the kardashian shows, and it happened to be the one where Kris Jenner wanted to change her name back to Kardashian. i would have divorced her right then and there if i was Bruce!

    we all need our days of kardashian jealous-fests to get our motivation going again, myself certainly included ;)

    best of luck with the next round of second city classes!

  5. Love this post. I feel the same way about the Kardashians, and I too am afraid of failing. I am afraid of being successful on top of failing. Maybe I need help. I think your post made me think too much...

  6. I loved me some Junie B. Jones. Keep on rockin it, girl, we're all lost and confused. That's part of being in your 20s! At least you're having fun :)

  7. Love the good/bad Michelle episode! Hang in there, pretty lady! God has a great, magnificent plan for you!

  8. OMG- I missed the Kardashian E Special (I do hope they air it again ;)) I totally agree with you re the K's "work ethic" Sigh, I also feel the same way too about being lost, but it's great that you are out there & doing what you like! Best wishes & have fun!

  9. I am having this SAME type of day! Just wrote you an email about it, in fact! :) Keep on keepin' on, girl.
    PS the weather is finally getting nice. Margaritas SOON!

  10. AMEN! I work at a staffing agency to pay my way through grad school, and it kills me a little bit more everyday. Also, by pay my way, I mean pay my rent. I'm still racking up the loan debt.

    But then, today as I was leaving my internship (i'm a school counselor), a student said to me "you're really good at this. I think you'll go far."

    And that was all I needed.

  11. I feel like I am right there with you Taylor. I have literally no idea what to do next. And I feel like I am at the age when maybe I should know, but I don't. It's nice to hear that others feel that way too. Especially people you admire.

  12. preach it, sister! also whenever i hear the word rude, i think of full house, so i am glad we both reference back to full house in times of need.

  13. I know the feeling, I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate next spring and I wonder if this was all just a waste of time and money. I'm constantly feeling lost at 26, almost 27, with 30 looming ever closer. The Kardashians just got lucky, seriously. I would love to see them do some of the jobs I've had to do without them screaming, crying, and throwing a fit.

  14. When we got rid of TV, I had to deal with the fact that I was no longer going to experience Kardashian krazies. And I was sad for a minute. But their special interviews are enough to make the most chipper of people decide they are utter failures for not being famous for being rich.

    You deserve pretzel stocks and dunkaroos with your Capri sun after all that.

  15. I have no idea what I am going to do next, and feel lost...a lot of the time! and being brave is tough, but know that we all go through these 'bouts - well most of us do. Probably not Kimye and the likes. But stay strong! You have it in you, and everything happens for a reason. It's OK to ask why and not even have an answer!

    hang in there girly!!! and I died at the Good Michelle Bad Michelle image!

  16. I almost watched it but didn't really want to add to their ratings.
    I'd like to see them stocking shelves at Walmart or working warehouse! That'd be a sight to see. I guess it's true, work smarter not harder!
    One day Tay, one day you'll be bigger than the sock seller and the sisters that hang out and shorten words because they're too lazy to say the full word like FABULOUS and CRAZY and GORGEOUS!

  17. Amen Sista Friend.
    I am sorry you are feeling lost, but if taking Improv classes makes you happy, it is totally worth it. Even if it doesn't lead to something magical, you are doing something to improve your quality of life, and that's great!
    Also, once I saw good michelle and bad michelle, I thought nothing could be better... then you signed your post Junie B. Jones. Obsessed.

  18. The Kardashians get under my skin as well. A late bloomer in the "What am I going to do with my life?!" department, I've made my way through college as an adult and am finally graduating in my early thirties. Then there's grad school. And a kiddo. And a husband who sometimes feels like a kiddo. So why can't I make millions having someone film me drinking milk? I've spent too much time pondering what makes them so socially powerful or interesting. After hearing Kim talk and seeing her blank stare, I'm guessing they have some seriously smart people managing their careers. Are their 15 minutes up yet? And when is mine?

  19. girl, you are so not alone on any of this. the love/hate relationship with the Kardashians, feeling lost, Good Michelle vs. Bad Michelle (priceless), and signing off as Junie B. Jones. I am in love with you (too weird?) and I think trying weird things is a-okay! :)

  20. I don't care what anyone says. The Kardashians are pointless and a slap in the face to people who actually have talent. The root of their fame is Kim's sex tape. It's all just ridiculous. haha

  21. I am proud to say I have never watched a Kardashian episode. Ever. And that thing about designing socks? Made me snort.

  22. Well to start, I just don't understand why the Kardashians are even a thing.

    Don't doubt why you're doing improv. If it's something you love then just keep doing it and you can figure the "game" out as you go. It is not a waste of time.

  23. I actually think the Kardashian success is due mostly to Kris Jenner, who I think is a business genius (which is sad because I think she thinks that too haha).

    As for the negative Nelly, most people slip into those depressing thoughts. Surround yourself with people who love you - there is no better feeling than feeling loved!

    Chin up,
    Heather xo


  24. Your posts are my favorite! Don't be too hard on yourself. We all go through the "finding your path" stages. It's crazy, but once you've found it, you'll still be wondering what the next step will be. C'est la vie!

  25. Here is the truest truth about being an artist (and since you mentioned second city and io, and an audition the other day, I'm gonna go with categorizing you as an artist here): the unknown IS our known, instability IS our stability. That's how it works. If you weren't built this way, you'd have quit and done something a little more stable in the daily sense a good long time ago. And maybe you did, I don't know, I'm new here. The only thing that I wish I learned sooner was to not listen to that voice, not compare with others, and trust in the fact that I'm right where I'm meant to be. Okay, that's three things. And really it's like 500. Either way, you had me at that good michelle/evil michelle photo. Takes a special woman to reference such a television icon as the Michelle. You'll be fine, I know it.

  26. The one fact I do know about rob is that he dated a cheetah girl. This is all I care to know and his life will not be any cooler than that moment (Clearly since he is making socks for a living!). Oh and the fact that you referred to the cheetah girl dating period confirms the fact that I like you!

  27. Jealous of them? Hell yes!
    I also want people around me 24/7 choosing my clothes and doing my hair and make-up!
    But for now I can just be a tad too much addicted to them and hear my boyfriend telling my how their show and their lives are making me a dumber person haha! (yes he is THAT honest)

  28. This is 179% how I am feeling right now, and when I started reading about the Kardashians I didn't think that it would hit so close to home with the day I'm having. If you ever need to go drown your day in margaritas or cheap beer... we can be lost together. just saying!

    1. That sounds kinda perfect right now Nikki!

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