Why I'm Nervous As Hell

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I don't know what's wrong with me today but I've got the Debbie Downers following me everywhere. I just have that nasty feeling of uncertainty hanging over my every more. And that is so unlike me. I'm always the glass is half-full kinda gal, but for some reason today the glass is empty. Don't start hiding the razor blades I'm not depressed or anything, I just have this weird feeling of nervousness. Ohmygosh is this called anxiety? Am I experiencing my first bout of anxiety today? If so, I don't like it. Or perhaps I just drank too much coffee again? I'm pretty sure I've confused being over caffeinated with having anxiety a time or two before. Or perhaps it could still be the aftereffect of the six cans of Surge I drank for lunch in 1998?

Regardless, I'm in a weird mood today. And I'm pretty sure it's all because of tomorrow. Up until just now I wasn't going to mention my audition tomorrow, mostly because it seemed like the safe thing to do. In the big scheme of things, what I'm auditioning for isn't really that big of a deal, it just is to me. Tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. I have an audition for the Conservatory at The Second City, which is basically just the next level of improv. Tina Fey had to audition twice to get in, rumor is Rachel Dratch had to audition nine times, and Amy Poehler got in on her third attempt. Again, this could all just be Second City urban legends... Improv students tend to get a little dramatic if you can imagine. Whatever the case, just typing that out makes my stomach flip. I figured that if I didn't blog about it, then I wouldn't have to follow-up blog about it in case I don't get it... but that's a cowardly bullshit move I feel like. So whatever, I'm just going to put it out there. I'm nervous as hell to audition tomorrow because I just want to make it in so bad. If only just to prove to myself that I can I suppose... And also because I'd really like to take classes in the Conservatory.

It's days like today when I wish I wasn't such a damn dream seeker. Why couldn't I have chosen a path in accounting or mortuary or something? I never took an accounting class because I heard they were super hard, but I feel like there's always a need for accountants. Same with mortuary owners. Death and taxes, the only two certainties in life. I swear I wasn't intending to make that awful joke just now with those two lines. I was just literally trying to think of two jobs that seem pretty stable and for whatever reason those two sprung to mind. 

I digress. 

I had originally intended to link up with Helene and Sarah today for this awesome link up they posted yesterday, but clearly my mind had it's own intentions. So today anyway, what inspires me to write is fear. And hope. And wonder. And excitement. And nerves, maybe a little bit of anxiety. But mostly hope.


Lots and lots of hope.






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36 comments:

  1. i majored in finance and got my masters in accounting.


    it SUCKS.
    and i dream for something different everyday.

    i admire you girl, follow your heart!

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  2. Good luck tomorrow, I know you're going to kill it.

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  3. Mortuary school might have served you well. My mom is a mortician and you get to spout off plenty of morbid jokes all the time that make everyone think you are extremely insensitive. However, when people think you're crazy, you can explain it all away by saying, "My mom is a mortician." That's kind of nice, too.

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  4. I have a career in finance, but my absolute passion is photography. Get it girl. You'll kill this audition!

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  5. You are amazing, You will be great, I have no doubt that you will rock it! Good Luck tomorrow!!!! I can't wait to hear all about it! Hopefully Harlow will let you escape!!! You got this lady!

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  6. I think it would be more reassuring to know that you're in good company if you don't get in the first time. Break a leg!!

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  7. Urban legend or not, if anything, their numbers should tell you that if you really love it you shouldn't stop trying just because somebody says no. Good luck tomorrow, I'm sure you'll do great!

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  8. Get it, girl! You will be awesome.

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  9. You are going to KILL IT!!!!! Aren't nerves a good thing in show biz?

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  10. Good luck lady, you're going to rock it like pop rocks and Harlow will be there to smooch you either way!

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  11. Whatever happens, just know that you have the whole blogging community cheering you on. :)

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  12. Ah you are going to be amazing you just don't know it yet!

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  13. good luck good luck....we all wish you good luckkkkk! (not sure if you're a friends watcher, but Phoebe and I wish you good luck)

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  14. Good luck tomorrow!! I'm sure you'll do great.

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  15. BREAK A LEG! If Tina Fey didn't get in the first time you can't even sweat it. You'll do amazing.

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  16. Sending TONS of good vibes your way tomorrow!!!

    Rose
    Blonde in this City

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  17. You've got this girl! Good luck tomorrow! We are all cheering you ON!

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  18. Break a leg, you will be great!!

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  19. I'm pretty sure it's just the Surge. Just counter the effect with another can (out of your time capsule obv.) and you'll be golden tomorrow. Good luck!

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  20. Good luck!! I'm sure you'll kick butt and beat those urban legends!!

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  21. Break a leg! I'll be rooting for you!

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  22. Good luck tomorrow! I am sure you will be great!

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  23. Get it girl! I'll be thinking of you!

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  24. I admire you so much for being a seeker - so much of this blog of yours is about all of the risks you've taken, all of the scary experiences you've taken head on. So proud of you - go kick ass at that audition tomorrow, and if you don't get it, then just down a couple shots and then try, try again!

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  25. Get it girl. First, get out of that awful head space you're in and then get it.

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  26. Does The Conservatory look anything similar to the good old cardboard room on the Clue board game? If so, pssht you have NOTHING to worry about!

    HA, all jokes aside though- if at first you don't succeed, try, and try again my friend.

    Good luck!

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  27. Break a leg! Regardless of what happens, I just admire the bravery it takes to go for it. Plus they'd be silly not to take you.

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  28. Good luck! I know you will do great!

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  29. Good luck!!! I admire your courage in just putting it all out there. I can't tell you how many times I've kept something like this to myself just so that if I fail I can deal with it privately and no one will have to know.

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