It's Been 10 Years Since High School, Here's What I'd Like To Go Back And Tell Myself

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

All of the Chicago teens have gone back to school. I know because the park Harlow and I like to frequent is filled with cigarette butts and regret once again. I can't believe teenagers still smoke. Isn't a carton like $15 or something? Don't they have Busch Light or Dr. Martens to buy?

Harlow and I tried to keep our distance from the insecure little time bombs full of anxiety and hormones during their first week back to school when it suddenly dawned on me that it's been ten years since my first day of senior year of high school. Ten years! That's a scary thought.

This is the only crappy photo I could find from my graduation. I'm sure it was taken on a yellow disposable camera and I anxiously waited in the Walgreens parking lot to get it developed the next day. Forget Instagram, paying extra for 1 hour photo at Walgreens was the thing to do back in my day...


I like to think back to what a loser I was and all of the stupid stuff I used to care about. Wouldn't it be kind of fun if we could all be in high school with the personalities we have now? You know, just a bunch of late 20-somethings all beaten down by life, too tired or hungover to care about judging each other. I think it would be a much better experience for everyone.

Anyway, here's a few things I'd like to tell that little blonde in the photo above.

First of all, stop tanning. Just stop. It's gross, you're gross. Remember when someone wrote "orange face" on your locker poster and you were super mad about it? You should find that stranger today and thank her. Because she was just trying to do you a favor, orange face.

So if you're out there (person who called me orange face in high school) I just wanted to say thanks for having my back.


And while we're talking about appearances, maybe just maybe don't wear a cut-off pink corduroy skirt for your senior photos. I know you think the skirt is really great and it's just how you want to remember your high school years, but you're going to have to naturally lay on a log and it's just going to be weird.


And speaking of fashion, you know how you love tie-dye because you think it's really cool and you think it makes you a hippy? It doesn't. It just makes you look dumb. So stop making tie-dye shirts. For the love of God, you own like 100.


This photo was taken the night before the first day of senior year. All of the senior girls got really cool shirts made that said "Sykadelik Seniors." Spelled wrong on purpose, or so we said... In our defense, that's a really hard word.

And that hair of yours? Don't cut it in college. It's as good as it will ever look in life.



I'm exceptionally orange in this photo (I swear some of it is the lighting.) But how couldn't I be? It's my senior prom and I'm up for Prom Queen! Oh the honor! Take that in for a second. Now let me tell you the real deal. At my high school the most liked kids were up for Homecoming, the second most liked kids were up for Winter Royalty, and the left-overs got Prom. So that tells you a little about me. (And no, I didn't win.)

Now go enjoy college. You're going to rack up more student loan than you even know, but don't worry, you'll totally need that English degree to start a blog and become a stand-up comedian...

It's like I enjoy making mistakes. Live and let live.



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18 comments:

  1. Tanning is like our generations version of smoking. I'm sure some day future generations will talk about how crazy we were to lay in a bed knowing it could cause us cancer.

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  2. Ugh, thank you for reminding me that I will also be celebrating my 10 year reunion this year. And I use the term "celebrating" lightly.

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  3. Haha you are funny with the Orange Face thing. Yes, I like you , tanned way too much in high school.

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  4. There is no way in hell you were the left over. i don't believe you. even if you were orange face. They're just jealous.

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  5. Our Sr. shirts said 'Absolut Seniors' inside a bottle. like Absolut vodka. We weren't allowed to wear them to school because they 'promoted drinking'. Then we all showed up to our Sr. lock in wearing them. Rebels.

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  6. This was just brilliant. And sixteen year old me would have talked so much jealous shit about you and your denim jacket and your pearls. Gimme.

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  7. Love this post. My 20th high school reunion just passed and I couldn't help thinking about what high school would be like if I could go back knowing what I know now. My experience would be so different. And so much more fun. But I suppose the angst and drama is what helps us become who we eventually become.

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  8. haha this was great and ps I love that skirt haha

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  9. I am helping plan my ten year reunion this year and I can't help but wonder where in the hell did the time go? It seems like yesterday I was searching for the perfect white dress to wear under my white gown for graduation.

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  10. Hahah this.is.awesome. I completely forgot about paying extra for 1 hr photo. Ah the good ‘ol days...

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  11. "Wouldn't it be kind of fun if we could all be in high school with the personalities we have now? "---I think about this all the time. Instead of caring whether they liked me or being made of, I would be the bitch and bust their faces in hahaha. My 10 year reunion is coming up next month.. no thanks!

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  12. Oh man, I was up for prom queen back in 2003 as a leftover, too. And no, I didn't win! Honestly, I'd forgotten all about it until reading this - now it's off to bury my sadness with a bottle of wine. Because, you know, I can drink legally because I'm officially old!

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  13. Those T-shirts are so funny! This is great!

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  14. Omg senior shirts! We did that too, because it was the coolest thing ever! Except ours weren't tie-dye, they were rhinestoned...

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  15. We also had the Absolut look and couldn't wear it to school.
    Loved the little trip to Tay's senior year

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  16. This post cracked me up. I am starting college in next week and it is all so hectic. Though at the moment all I am thinking about are uniforms and heavy book....!!!

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  17. But seriously...where did 10 years go?? I am on the planning committee for my 10 year reunion coming up and I will not be signing up to help with the 20 year. lol....10 years seems like a long time, but for some melodramatic people, they are still 18... Oh high school.

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