The Seven Stages of Grief- When Registering For Your Wedding
Monday, April 11, 2016
Registering for a wedding is weird.
Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful. But also weird. You can't help but think, people are really going to buy us this stuff? Really?
I know it happens all the time, but I just can't wrap my head around it.
And then there's the fact you go in thinking you're going to be conservative and only register for the "necessities" and things you really need. Like new towels and plates and pillows, ext. You start off only scanning the basics, not wanting to get carried away. Who really needs more than 8 wine glasses anyway.
And then the next minute you find yourself registering for an automatic vegetable peeler that makes zucchini pasta and corn skewers that look like mini dancing owls.
I don't eat zucchini pasta. And when we eat corn on the cob we just use our hands. But the married-me seems to live a much better, more glamorous life. One that involves plates and bowls that match, and pots and pans that have lids that fit. And healthy pasta made from vegetables.
I've also learned that Married-Me is domestic AF.
I don't own cookie pans now because I don't really care about cookie pans. But after I get my new set of eight (that I have promised myself I will use) I'm going to be a regular Julia Child. And when I get my new earphones I'm going to be a regular Julia Stiles getting down to some hip hop.
I didn't register for headphones. But I could. Because registering is insane. It's allowing you a glimpse into the life that you could lead. Which thus enables you to see how sloppy you're currently living...
Or maybe that's just my old hand-me-down plates talking.
Thus I bring to you, the seven stages of grief when registering for a wedding.
So you're telling me that I just get to mosey around this store and pick out everything I want? And then someone's going to buy it for us? No. No way.
Not possible. Why would this be a thing? I can pick out a coffee maker AND new knifes? No. Stop it. Get out. What about oven mitts? I love oven mitts but I don't buy them. I can have them too? No.
2. Confusion and denial.
So there's how many kinds of flatware? And also silverware and flatware are the same thing? Or no? Because I call this stuff silverware. And why should I care what kind of fork we choose? A fork is a fork is fork as long as it's not a spork.
I'm supposed to look at fine China? For what purpose? When I host Christmas in 1989? Because I don't see that happening for awhile.
So maybe we can swap out all the towels in exchange for one big rug. Can we do that? Does it work like that?
Are people going to judge me for registering for this? Is this normal? I know it's a long shot that someone will really buy this crazy expensive blanket but I can do it anyway, right? There's no harm in simply scanning it....
People are going to judge me. My taste is weird. Or it's too cheap. Or too expensive. So much pressure!
STOP JUDGING ME!
I'll take the mid century modern bench off the registry. It was for Harlow, anyway...
No one is going to buy any of this. This entire thing is silly.
We're registered. It's done. And if people don't want to get us vegetable pasta makers then they can donate to The Harlow Foundation instead. Everybody wins.
How did you feel about registering? I'm really over thinking this, aren't it?
The wedding is 102 days away. I now know this thanks to the registry app. It's getting close.