On Working In Troll Town
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
I almost left a rude snarky comment on someone's blog post today.
Not because I wanted to "educate them," no, several commenters before me already had done that, or because I really felt my opinion needed to be heard (well kind of this,) but at the core of it I just wanted to be a little jerk. I wanted to say something cutting and maybe just slightly belittling simply because I didn't like this person's opinion.
According to me, they weren't RIGHT.
And it made me mad! Boo.
Midway through typing my very witty comment I caught myself and thought, what the hell are you doing? I don't like it when people leave shitty comments on my post, so why would I do it to someone else?
I quickly deleted it and then had a little talk with myself.
It's been a funky week, I think we can all admit that. I've been falling for Facebook traps I don't usually fall for. I'll come across posts that I know will piss me off and yet I dive in anyway. Everyday we have the option to scroll-on or troll-on and I've been choosing the latter lately. And that's not like me.
I found myself wanting to post things that were condescending and hurtful rather than helpful.
My inner dialogue while browsing online has been something like this for the past three days-
*sees post I know will make me mad*
licks lips and clicks on it, oooh 54 comments this will be good!
I knew I wouldn't like this and I was right! I'm mad!
*keeps reading, gets angrier*
This does not please me!
My thoughts must be heard too! I won't be happy until I convince everyone to believe exactly what I believe is right!
*finds comments backing up my opinion*
I don't know this person but I'd like to be best friends now.
*finds comment from a friend going against my opinion*
our friendship is over forever. you're a monster.
*stews about it, makes up fictional fights in head, stews more, writes a response, deletes, stews, writes, more fictional debates, deletes, reads more comments, feels mad, then sad, stews, feels defeated,
and then all energy is gone.*
That's embarrassing to admit. Oof.
I started with good intentions, but then somewhere in the past few days my ego took over and went to town.
EVERYONE MUST KNOW I AM RIGHT. EVERYONE IS A BIG DUMB IDIOT. EXCEPT THE PEOPLE WHO AGREE 100% WITH ME.
pound on keyboard. spit on screen. blah blah blah.
But what I learned from working as a troll this past week is that the more nasty comments I devoured, the hungrier I got. It never seemed to stop. I was never satisfied.
Before someone jumps in I should clarify I am all for advocating for what you believe in, and for speaking up for yourself, I don't think being complacent is ever a good thing. Today, I'm simply putting myself in check for a moment because I stopped fighting for what I believe in and gave into simply fighting. And who is that serving? Nobody.
I've never seen numbers on this before, but I have a feeling no one has ever really changed their beliefs or ideas thanks to a very inspiring Facebook fight they were involved in.
I don't have an end for this post because I'm feeling oddly insecure about it and am already worried people will read it and find something to tear apart. That's not usually a concern of mine so perhaps that goes with the territory of being an angry troll?
That being said, I don't really enjoy the position of mayor of Troll Town so I'm resigning today.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll start fresh as a human just trying to be better.