My mom said my post yesterday was way too “womp, womp, womp,” which really kinda pissed me off because I told her my life isn’t always a clown show and I write how I feel at the moment. But I know what she was really trying to say was she wanted to hear more about Lexie, which of course upset me even more because that means my own mom would rather hear about fake-me more than real-me. Do you know what kind of confidence blow that is?
Well sorry guys, it’s all me today. And we’ve got a lot to recap so let’s just jump right in.
First and foremost how about that royal christening?
If that’s not the look of a baby ready to rule I don’t know what is. He might as well be holding two little flags in those little chubby little hands of his. Or better yet, two little swords. I was actually giving this some thought and it made me start to wonder what goes into a royal christening? Does Jesus Christ Himself actually show up? If so, does He get nervous to spray the babe with holy water? Or does he get kinda excited for it? Does the family celebrate in a church basement afterward with stale coffee and donut-holes? Or do they keep it classy and head back to the palace for bloodys and mimosas like my family did for baby Knox’s baptism?
This is my “I’m not hungover, I promise,” smile. Chris is digging into the egg casserole, not even attempting to pretend he’s not hungover.
I struggle to bring up this next topic simply because I don’t like going from talking about Jesus Christ to talking about Satan, but I guess it has to mentioned. I’m obviously talking about Kanye popping the question to Kim.
Of course Kim would plan this engagement the week of baby George’s christening. First Kate got pregnant, so Kim had to get pregnant. Then Kate had a party for George in which Christ was invited to, so the only thing Kim could think to do to top that was get engaged (you know on account of the fact the son of the devil can’t technically get baptized.) Enough, Kim. You’re not Kate! And would you look at that ring? It’s rumored it cost 4-5 million dollars. When I think about all of the starving babies and starving dogs in the world, that ring makes me absolutely sick. I understand that Kanye works hard for his money so he should be able to do with it what he wants (if we want to call making music “hard”) but still. STILL. I shouldn’t have brought this family up, they just get my blood boiling as you can tell. But honestly, who am I to judge? After all, Kim’s just living the American dream. I hope more little girls follow in her foot steps of getting famous for making porn, followed by a second marriage that lasts for a mere 72 days, and then a pregnancy while still technically married to husband #2, only before getting engaged to fiance #3. If she doesn’t deserve a five million dollar diamond, who does?
Speaking of little girls, I don’t mean to sound like a crime obsessed fanatic, but when it comes to the JonBenet Ramsey case, I am a crime obsessed fanatic. And today for some reason, new files about the case that have never been open to the public are finally being released.
Looking back, it’s kinda weird to me that as an eight-year-old I was so obsessed with this case. But perhaps what is even weirder, is that my mom allowed my eighty-five-year-old great grandmother Grace to funnel my obsession by feeding me piles of JonBenet tabloids every time I went to her house. The Enquirer might not have been the most reliable news source for me to have been reading. However I still think their theory that the real JonBenet was actually abducted by aliens and/or the lady who got enough plastic surgery to make her face look like an actual cat still stands on pretty solid ground.
I’m sad to even mention this next topic, but unfortunately doping in the racing world is more prevalent than ever amongst athletes. When will these athletic stars realize they have to stop with the drugs already because they are role models for so many young children? I’m clearly talking about the six Belgian racing pigeons who tested positive for cocaine before one of Belgian’s biggest pigeon races.
It was questioned if the levels of cocaine found in Bolt, the fastest pigeon of the group, were accurate or not. However all questions were answered when Bolt was found at a night club in the wee hours of the morning dancing in only a neon crop top and white fringe boots, to Miley’s “We Can’t Stop” and refusing to go home.
And finally, we have my very favorite app being scrutinized with the recent announcement that Instagram will now be posting advertisements on our feed.
(That’s my Instagram face @taylorgracewolfe)
As expected, people are pissed off about the ads. And to those pissed off people I say, feel free to go right on ahead and make your own free photo sharing app then. No one is forcing you to post your food/dog/nailpolish photos on Instagram. Just for the record I do think the ads suck, obviously. But I’m not going to be a toddler about it and throw a huge fit. I’ve got other things to throw fits about, thank you.
But finally, I think we all know who’s really had the best week. She’s the jet-setting girl making us all feel bad about our own boring lives. My catfish- Lexie.
I should have known better than to post a photo of myself online in weird cut-off jean shorts. This has “I look like a small town girl who wouldn’t mind if you post my photos on a fake Facebook account” written all over it.
And that’s all I’ve got. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!