It’s me, a non-experienced-mom. I’m writing to you from our unfinished nursery, thirty five weeks pregnant, as I stare at the mirror near our changing table and wonder if it’s crooked. Something just isn’t right about it but I’m not sure what… Maybe it’s too square? I should have gotten a round one. Yes, that must be it. Or is it crooked??
My butt and hips hurt from not knowing how to sleep with a pregnant belly. I toss from my left side to my right side no less than 100 times a night and panic if I accidentally wake up on my back, all while getting swift kicks to the ribs on repeat. So yeah, I guess I’m a little tired.
And I know what you’re thinking, “if you feel tired now, just you wait…”
I know because you’ve said this to me. (A few times.) And that’s kinda what I want to talk about today.
Here’s the thing. I’m sure the “just you wait,” comments are coming from a good place, you know more than me, I get it. But they’re also just a tad bit deflating to us excited parents-to-be. For starters, we have been waiting. More than just nine months. I know several new moms-to-be who have actually been waiting years, even. And all of those things you’re warning us about- the lack of sleep, the routines changing forever, the messes, the DIRTY white curtains, hell I’ve even had people tell me I need to change my entire living room because it’s not “kid friendly.” What you need to understand is that for the most part, we’re already aware of that stuff, too. We’re just trying not to think about it right now because being pregnant is worrisome enough. So we’re trying our hardest to focus on the good stuff.
We’re buying all the frilly outfits you experienced moms probably dismiss by now, yes even the ones without snaps. We’re buying the teeny tiny snow boots they may never wear because they’re probably impossible to get on. Same with the tiny bath robes you’ve told me are rather impractical because I guess babies don’t just lounge in robes like mini Hugh Hefners all day apparently. But maybe just maybe, the tiny robe is just as much for us to stare at as it hangs on the back of the bathroom door as we patiently wait for the day a baby will actually be in it… even if only for a photo or two. Perhaps there was another small robe that came before it that never actually got to be worn, but may have instead been given away with a few other “never got to be” things we didn’t want to see again after we had to give up waiting, you just never know.
So again, I’m just asking that you pause before making the “just you wait,” comments.
And yes, you’ve probably figured out we’re day dreaming about every last detail in our nursery, WHITE curtains and all. Will they get dirty? Probably. But let me figure that out on my own, okay? I know I’m going to get it wrong (a lot) but I also think that has to be part of the process, right?
That said, I’m not claiming I don’t want any advice here. I don’t expect motherhood to be easy and I know you’ve got good stuff to share. But maybe let us ask first… Or at the very least offer something positive along side the “just wait” comments. I may look like a sensitive Sally for saying that, but it’s true. (I blame the hormones.) I can only speak for myself here, but even though I appear to be in my thirties I’ve never actually felt more like an uncertain teenager than I have these past few months as I try to learn all of the baby lingo, figure out the gadgets, the swaddles, the rockers, the Fridas, basically all the things I’ve never once looked at before. I understand it’s a world you’ve been in for a while, but it’s brand new to me.
Like I said, I know most of your comments about “what’s to come” are coming from a place of kindness, so please understand this post is, as well. It’s also me asking for a little grace here as we prepare for what’s to come. And with that said, I’ve got a mirror to rehang. It’s just not right the way it is now. I’ll admit I’m not entirely sure how to fix it, but I’ll figure it.
We’re all doing the best we can, so maybe just wait before you tell us how we can do it better.
Pic by @aesthetiica