When I Start Asking Myself Why…

So I made the mistake of watching the Kardashian interview with Ryan Seacrest the other day.
I don’t know why I did it, because I knew I would regret it.
I knew I would hate myself for it.
And I was right.
Like everyone else in the world, a lot of the negativity I feel toward that family is rooted in jealousy.
I have no problem admitting that, it is what it is.
Would I like to get paid to hangout and eat and drink with my family all day?
Hells yes I would.

But the thing that really bothers me about Momma Kris is when she starts raving about her kids
 “work ethic” and how they’re not just “famous for being famous.”
Here’s my two cents on this.
I think it’s pretty obvious the Kardashians are either
a. incredibly business savvy
or b. have hired those that are incredibly business savvy to work for them.
I choose b.
Now as far as their “work ethic” goes… I do think they’re hard workers,
but I think it’s 100x easier to work hard at something you love doing.
Like fashion design, or modeling, or marrying NBA players, or whatever is they do.
Put those girls in a call center and then tell me they have a good work ethic.
Tell them to start selling coupons or work at a staffing agency,
then preach to me about how hard the Kardashians work.
Rob designs socks for God’s sake,
the one article of clothing that there is truly never a need for anyone to ever see.
Socks. Really Rob? Come on. You once dated a Cheetah Girl.

Okay, I need to settle down.
I’m just having kind of a weird week… It’s safe to say I’m feeling a bit lost at the moment.
Not lost in the depression commercial sense where I want to just lay and cry all day,
not at all.
Just lost in the sense I have no idea what my next step is going to be,
and I’m not sure if this is something I should feel okay about, or not okay about.

Last week I had to re-enroll for all of my classes at Second City and IO
and just as I was clicking “submit payment” I let a little voice of negativity slip in and start
asking why… 
Why are you doing this?
Why are you paying for these classes that might lead you nowhere?
Why do you think you’re good enough to do this anyway?
Why are expecting something to come from all of this?
Why are you wasting time chasing this dream?

That Negative Nelly is a rude little thing, thus the reason I don’t let her come around often.
But sometimes when I’m in the mood to throw myself a pity party,
I’ll let her in just for the hell of it.
She runs her mouth for a minute or two, I feel bad, and then I kick her right back out.

(And yes, whenever I imagine my “good thoughts”vs my “bad thoughts”
they’re always played out by Good Michelle and Bad Michelle.)

Luckily, it doesn’t take long for me to start thinking positive again and I just habitually
start remembering all of the positive quotes I’ve seen through out my life.
I’m big on the self help power quotes. (Clearly they’ve worked out well for me.)
Like this one.

I think I stumbled across this quote as child and took it a little too literally,
because it’s really done a number on me.
I feel like I just keep on trying weirder and weirder things as life goes on,
not really caring what the outcome will be.
Of course like anybody I’m scared of failing,
I just think I’m more scared of not trying.

And now I don’t know where I’m going with any of this.
That Kardashian Special did more damage on me than I realized.
I need to go chill out with a Capri Sun for a second and regroup.
I’ll be back tomorrow with a better plan of attack I promise.

Lost and confused,
Junie B. Jones