What a doozy of a week this has been. Sure we might be going to war with Syria, and yes tomorrow marks the 16th anniversary of Princess Diana’s death, but what does any of that really even matter when we’ve still got a crazy Miley Cyrus roaming the streets of this good country free to corrupt our children? Two nights ago CNN transitioned from a story about Syria to bring us more information about Miley’s VMA performance. We need to concentrate on the important news stories here my friends, like when did “little horns” come back in style and how come no one told me?
I’ve got a full purple caboodle back in Nebraska full of butterfly clips and tiny elastics just waiting for the day that horns and knots come back in style. And I think that day has come.
But enough about Cuban Pete, let’s get into another edition of The Daily Tay’s Best Week Ever.
First up, I’ve got to give a big shout out to this awesome reality show couple on the announcement of their soon-to-be baby girl.
Wait, this is real? A Jonas brother really has his own reality show? I guess I didn’t realize they were still around. I’m sorry, I saw this headline and I kind of thought it was a joke. And it appears he’s married to the daughter of a RHNJ lady? Am I right? If I had to guess I would say this is Lexi, Dina’s daughter, all grown up? Well good for them! See, not all Disney stars are doomed for failure.
Speaking of doomed Disney stars, you wanna know who else is really having a good week right now? Sexual predators in Switzerland. Why you ask? Oh just because of the fact their largest city, Zurich, is now offering sex drive-in Mondays, which will be hosted in garage style rooms in the industrial side of the city. But don’t worry, it’s only on Mondays.
You know it’s like taco Tuesday, only taco Monday... Around 30 to 40 women are expected to work at the site each night. Sex workers have to pay 5 Swiss francs per night to make use of the so-called “sex boxes” (because sex garages didn’t quite have the same ring to it) but customers don’t have to pay an entrance fee. Because nobody likes paying a cover fee, am I right or am I right? Hey, at least we live in a country where people still get all uptight about a foam finger.
Guess I might as well move on to that. Foam fingers are officially backkkkkk, and just in time for football season no less. Foam fingers haven’t gotten this much air time since… well I don’t think ever.
So thank you, Miley, for not only giving my friends on Facebook something to talk about as well as worried moms on internet forums everywhere, but more importantly thank you for boosting the sales of foam fingers around the nation, as well.
Speaking of sports, girls who pretend to love Fantasy Football also seem to be having a pretty great week. How do I know? Because it’s all. they. talk. about. They tweet it, they Facebook it, they Instagram it. I understand that some girls truly love fantasy, like Sarah obviously, but I also understand that there’s a large amount of you who just love it for the sake of proving you’re a real “guys gal.” But guess what? That’s okay too! Any reason to pretend to like football is A-ok with me. You know why I love football? For the tailgating and the bloody marys. That’s pretty much it. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
And if anyone really owns this shirt we need to become friends asap. I’m also going to bet you owned a shirt when you were a kid that says “Dance Is A Sport Too!”
All in all guys, there is only one thing having the best week ever. And that’s a three day weekend. Enjoy the lake, or grilling, or tailgating, or whatever it is you choose to do this weekend. At the very least be happy we still live in a country where the only thing we serve at drive-ins are burgers and french fries…. And on that note, lunch is calling my name.