But don’t think I’m just about to leave you high and dry on this lovely Tuesday. I’ve requested the help of one of the most talented writers in all of blogland to fill in, my sista from a Mormon mista, Bon from The Life of Bon . I could rave on and on about how she is one of the most original, bold, witty and well spoken bloggers out there, but instead I’ll just let her speak for herself (because she does it well and everything.) And I’m sure you’ve met her by this point, anyway.
Without further ado, here she is.
You need to know two things about me:
1. I am a high school teacher by day.
2. I am a fashion blogger by night.
Trust me on #2, I am totally nailing the fashion blog thing. Like seriously rocking it. It’s so easy- I’m pretty much a pro at this point. All you gotta do is get dressed and have whoever is around snap some pictures of you, right? I know the rest of you are really struggling in your pursuit of fashion blogging queendom so I decided to help you out. I present to you, everything you need to know to be the next big fashion blogger! Thank me later, gals!
1. Pop your elbow or your knee. Or even better, both! It might feel a bit uncomfortable and weird, but trust me everyone will think you are so legit. Hello fab! (Oh, and never make a face like the one I’m making below. Never.)
2. Find a real photographer. A self timer will only suffice for so long until people will realize you ain’t the real deal. You can’t hide the stress that comes from running to your designated spot and trying to look cool as a cucumber in the picture. People will see right through you!
3. Wear bright lipstick. Duh! If your lips aren’t bright red/ hot pink/ passionate purple you are so totally doing something wrong.
4. If your budget is small, go to an expensive, gorgeous store (think Anthropologie or J. Crew) buy something, wear it for a picture, and then just take it back. Everyone will think you’re loaded AND that you’ve got mad style and you don’t have to spend a cent! Win win!
5. Try to stick your head out as much as possible for your pictures. Your head may look a little big, but it’s totally worth it because the rest of your body will look so little by comparison. Everyone will think you’re a skinny mini! Take the picture below for example- my head: freakily huge and gross, right? But my waist? OMG it looks so skinny and cute I don’t even care about how weird my head is!
6. If you’re feeling totally lost, remember these three things: polka dots, stripes, chevron. You can’t go wrong, my friend. Nowdays anything goes (Hello, it’s called pattern mixing!) so you can wear a striped top, a chevron skirt, and polka dot shoes. You’ll be getting compliments for daaaaaaaaaays!
7. Don’t wear sandals with socks. Ever. This isn’t just a fashion blogging rule, but an overall life rule. Break it and die.
8. Don’t wear white socks with dress shoes. Don’t wear socks with heels. In fact, the only time you should wear socks is with sneakers. And don’t wear sneakers with a dress. We all clear here?
9. Maxi Maxi Maxi. If you don’t have at least three maxis in your closet, girl you shouldn’t even be in the blogging world. Oh, and please don’t jump for your pictures. You’ll look like a fool!
10. Take pictures in the middle of the city. No one will think it’s weird when you stop for photos all by yourself and pose with your dainty little hand stroking your hair oh so gently. They’ll think you’re a celeb or even better, a model!
11. If your makeup ain’t looking too hot or you were up way too late, just throw a pair of sunglasses on and you’re good to go. The bigger your cute sunnies, the better. No one will ever know that your face isn’t at its best! Way to trick the world!
12. Never look directly at the camera. It’ll totally give you away. It doesn’t matter where you look, look anywhere except for directly at the dirty little lens! If you want to look up at the sky like a possessed demon- go for it, girl!
12. If all else fails, hide behind a big purse, a plant, or a dog. We’ll still be able to see part of your shirt and we’ll just assume that you are a fabulous dresser! Or even better, hide behind a cute boy! We will all think you’re cuter by association. If you need to hire a cute boy try the mall. Tell them you work for a talent agency or something and you’ll have all the cute boys you need to take pictures with you in your oh so hot clothes!
Congrats! You are now ready to be the next big fashion blogger! Go take on the fashion world!
For more of my unique and very smart wisdom you can check out my post on how to do everything or how to be the next big blogging sensation that I wrote with our own darling Tay Tay. Of course, we’re kidding in these posts. Or are we?!? You can find my not so fashion related posts here (spoiler alert: on my blog I talk a lot more about teaching than I do fashion blogging. Oops.) or you can join the party on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
TTFN! (That’s fashion blogger code- hopefully you can crack the code as to what it means!)