You panic. And then panic some more because it’s all over.
I’m kidding (kind of.) But like anyone else, I have some months that are better than others when it comes to blog traffic. It all ebbs and flows, I’ve realized this after five years of blogging. I’ve also realized summers are hard. They just are, it happens every year.
However today I’m here to assist you with a few helpful tips that can turn that traffic around in a jiffy. I’m certainly no expert, so take them for what you’d like.
First and foremost…
Announce that you have an announcement. But then never actually tell what that announcement is. Just keep alluding to how AWESOME it is.
Write a post that will piss people off. I suggest one about politics or tattoos.
Get a book deal. Or just say that you have a book deal.
Did I mention I have a book deal by the way? I mean I’m self publishing, but it sure seems like a helluva a deal… (slap your knee for that awful joke. I know I am.)
You know those bloggers that kinda annoy you? Talk about them.
Speaking of, get into a public blog fight with someone. Twitter fights are also known to increase traffic.
Get pregnant. New baby announcement = traffic gold mine. (I’ve heard.)
Get engaged. Then get married. People love wedding talk.
Talk about why you hate bloggers who sell-out. These posts are always super popular.
Burn down your house. This one might be a little out there, but I have a feeling it would increase traffic. Blogging takes some sacrifices, don’t you ever forget that.
Write a post about all of the fun braids you can do with your hair!!!
Start a comment fight… with yourself.
Write a post with a really controversial title. Then the post can be about rainbows and dogs, the title just has to be catchy.
Switch to WordPress. Then back to Blogger. Then back to WordPress. Make sure to write a post each time in regards to why you feel you made the right decision and why everyone else should switch.
Write a post about breastfeeding. Especially if you’ve never had children.
Write a post called “The Truth Circle” and then you open up comments to anyone (anonymous included) and ask for people to tell you what they really think about you or what you should change about yourself… Or were my friends and I the only asshole middle school girls who used to play Truth Circle? Man, we were evil.
Or just buy traffic. I feel like that can probably be done now.
It’s all about the numbers, am I right girls? Keep fighting the good fight.
And if you’ve taken anything I’ve said seriously in this post, that’s great! Then also please head on over to Bloglovin and vote for me for best blogger! I’m leading the way in every category! I’m the one in the photo not smiling, wearing sunglasses, looking down.