Those three day weekends, man. They’re a double edged sword.
You go into them so excited for a “long weekend” and “no work” and “relaxation” and you come out of them like a toddler woken up one hour too early from a nap. Hair all crazy, sleep marks indented on your sweaty red face, a tantrum ready to drop at any second… Or is that just me?
We hit these past few days hard, lived with the sense of urgency that it was our “last great Chicago summer weekend.” And waking up today to 50 degree temps, I’m wondering if it really was?
I dabbled into a few hours of work yesterday, but still woke up with the oh shit feeling today when I looked at my inbox. I try to remind myself the oh shit feeling is good. It means my business is moving and not at a standstill. It means I get to work another day as my own boss, with Harlow on my lap. I recently read an article that said that people who are self employed suffer from more anxiety and depression than those who aren’t. You know who I bet wrote that? Someone who is self employed. I’m pretty sure we all have our things.
I know immediately when I’m carrying extra fear and anxiety with me because it’s heavy and draining of my energy. And when you’re drained of energy you stop doing things you enjoy, because it’s feels extra hard and strenuous for some reason. These past few weeks I haven’t been working out like I normally do because I’ve tricked myself into believing I have “no time.” That’s also why I’ve cut down on blog posts and writing. No time, you guys. NO TIME.
So where in the hell is my time going? Dwelling. Sulking. Making up fake scenarios in my head. All of these things take a LOT of time, let me tell ya. Sometimes, an entire day, really. It’s all about how much effort you put in, you know? How far down the rabbit hole shall we venture today?
This was supposed to be a post about Labor Day weekend and then there I went. Bitching out my work stuff again. There’s a light at the end of this I promise, I’m just taking a while to get there.
In the midst of writing this post, I got the email from “the heaviness” I’ve been up against this past month. The email that read, “consider this case closed.”
And with that, the heaviness lifted just slightly. It’s “closed” for them and that’s good. And once I learn to stop dwelling and let go of what seems VERY UNFAIR and like a load of BULLSHIT and how can do they do this I CAME UP WITH IT, it will be closed for me too….
Shoot, I’m not quite over this, can you tell? And yes, I will explain “this” (in depth) someday. Just not now. I’m too emotional and I want to get my words just right, and to the point where my anger no longer forces me to throw in random words in all caps.
When I break this situation down in my head (my favorite thing to do) I’m able to recognize the loudest voice complaining about all of “this” is my ego. And NO ONE pisses Ego off and gets away with it. (It’s actually Ego who loves caps.)
See, Ego really wants (NEEDS) credit where credit is due. (And attention.) And validation. And most of all, everyone must now how bruised Ego is right now. Ego has been wronged and it’s NOT OKAY.
Breaking it down like this helps me. Because it’s worth noting that in my head Ego is played by Michelle Tanner in the “devil Michelle vs angel Michelle” episode, naturally my Ego is dressed in the Michelle all black leather biker outfit. And if you get this reference, thank you. If you don’t, I’m sorry.
I really sat down today to write a post about Labor Day that segued into an upbeat “how to tackle the week” post, but I got lost in the muck after receiving the email about all “this”… and then I made you all come along. My bad, my bad.
Regardless of what you’ve read today, I’m actually feeling really positive about this week. However like any person, I have my low moments and if I don’t keep myself in check when I’m free writing they just pop in to say hello when I least expect it (like paragraphs five and six.)
But I’m doing much better about all “this” than I was two weeks ago. Or last week. Or even an hour, actually.
We’re in a new month, with new fresh energy. I’m going to armor myself with good vibes and see what happens. And if you’ve made it this far in this post, bless you. I’ll share some of the mantras I’m taking into September with me.
From the Law Of Positivism-
“When we let go of the constant need to become, we can more easily just be.”
From Tiny Buddha-
“Our thoughts manifest our reality. Choose wisely”
“You can be fearless with your energy, while also protecting it.”
“Anything that costs you your peace is far too expensive to hold onto.”
And two favorites from my favorite book, The Alchemist-
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”