Growing Up Duggar

“It’s all about RELATIONSHIPS.”

I could just stop right here and let us all stare at the cover of this book and the words on it because really that says enough. But I won’t.

In all honestly, I’ve sat on this one for a few days now trying to collect the right words for what I want to say. I still don’t think this is going to be very eloquently put and some of you might think I’m way off here. But that’s fine, I tend to get a little heated and messy when talking about child molesters.

I’ve “jokingly” been a fan of this family for awhile. I’ve wrote a few posts about them in the past… I say jokingly because I’ve never actually watched an entire episode. I’ve just seen them on various talk shows and magazine covers and they make for great material.

The patriarch of the family is named Jim Bob after all and he demands his daughters dress in ankle length skirts and none of the children are allowed to kiss before marriage.

So many things I’d like to say here but I’ll hold back…

It recently came out that the oldest son, Josh Duggar, molested at least five girls when he was 14. Four were his little sisters. And I’m going to be very surprised if it’s only five girls. There’s always more. Especially in a situation where the abuser is allowed to get away with it for so long.

Josh admitted his wrongdoings to the public- only after it was made public a few days ago I should add. He’s prayed about it, asked for forgiveness, and he regrets what he did as a teenager. And because of this, Josh has a lot of supporters still standing behind him.

I’m not one of them.

I regret some things I did as a teenager too. But none of which involve touching children when they’re sleeping. In my opinion, it doesn’t get much worse. And as a teenager you know this, hell you know this even when you’re a child.

Speaking of children, let’s talk about his sisters for a second. Let’s talk about the kids who were sexually abused by someone they knew and trusted. By someone that lived in their house with them. They had to face their abuser every single day. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like. But I have a feeling it’s ten times worse than the “media attack” Josh is “suffering” from right now.

Because this won’t last, the media will move on to the next thing that catches their attention any day now. But the scars left on a child from being sexually abused, I’ve heard those tend to hang around for a bit longer.

So what exactly happened I wonder? The victims finally worked up the courage to tell someone and then their older brother was just given a slap on the wrist for his year long “mistake” and was sent to help a family friend to build stuff for the summer?

Then Josh came home and everything was just back to normal? It was all swept under the rug so their TV show about good old fashioned values could start? You can’t work off the urge to molest children. It doesn’t just go away like that.

I guess I’m just wondering why a family who is aware there is abuse going on would knowingly sign a contract with a TV network to further expose their children, making a reality star out of a guy who should have been behind bars. Why Jim Bob, why?

Before all of this, I was pretty much indifferent about the Duggars. They were a joke to me more or less.

I wasn’t excited or giddy to hear this story and see them go down like this like a lot of people have been over the past few days. I was sad. Not for the Duggars “the TV show family”, but for the victims. I’m sad they have to live through this all over again right now.

Then again who are we kidding, they’ve been living through this every single day since it happened.

I’d really like to know, what are your thoughts on this?



  1. May 27, 2015 / 9:49 am

    I agree with you 100%. While recovering from knee surgery, I started watching the show, more or less because there was talk about weddings and there's nothing I love better than a good special about a wedding. But this is completely horrific – even more so because many of the victims are his sisters and this is a family who values purity above pretty much all else. How awful must it have been to be abused by your brother only for him to get a slap on the wrist and you to hear forever how you're now damaged because you aren't "pure" any more? And right around that same time, Jim Bob ran for the senate and said that child molesters should receive capital punishment. So there's that.

    • May 27, 2015 / 9:51 am

      I also read that Jim Bob said incest should be punishable by death… there's a lot of stuff floating around, so I'm not sure what's true and what's not. But still..

  2. May 27, 2015 / 9:53 am

    Unfortunatley, I live the the town next to them, so their influence isn't just on TLC watchers, they're extremely politically active here.
    I feel the same way you do, you can't excuse molesting children, you can't pray it away, you can't work it off, and you can't just sweep it under the rug.
    It breaks my heart to think about those girls being forced to live in the same house as the person who hurt them, and I know that based on their affiliations with organizations that they preach that it's the victims fault.
    I'm over this family, have been for years, and I'm ready for people to stop standing up for them because they're devout Christians. I don't dislike them because they're Christian, I have issues with a lot of things they do, and the way they conduct themselves, and now I have major issues with them hiding a child molester in their house with those he abused.

    • May 27, 2015 / 10:04 am

      It's crazy to me that anyone could blame the victims. This is why so many victims are still afraid to come out and tell someone what happened to them. I just don't understand how people can defend him. If he was any random person on the street, people would be calling for all kinds of bad things to happen to him. I am a Christian but I don't believe you should get any special treatment just because you are.

  3. May 27, 2015 / 10:02 am

    Arkansas blogger here. I've never liked the Duggars. I've met them in person once (because of my job at the time) and I got a whole new perspective on how nutty they are and just how much they restrain the women in the family. It broke my heart.

    Anyway, a bit of your story is wrong. The family friend Josh went to "work" with during the summer wasn't a pedophile. The other pedophile in the story is the State Trooper who was a personal friend of Jim Bob. After years of the abuse, and after Josh returned from working construction with that family friend, Jim Bob made him sit down with this State Trooper friend to get a "stern talking to." Of course, Jim Bob knew that the friend wouldn't actually DO anything to Josh nor make an official report. However, because Jim Bob "technically" reported it, the statute of limitations began to run (Also a lawyer blogger). Meaning, that by the time the REST of the local police department learned about the abuse from a tip given to the Harpo studios, the statute of limitations had past and Josh could not be prosecuted. (See what Jim Bob did there… the man is a lot of things but dumb isn't one of them.) That State Trooper by the way — the one who didn't pursue charges against Josh BEFORE the statute of limitations had run — well, HE was a pedophile who ended up with a sentence of 56 years in prison for child porn.

    I agree with pretty much everything you've said though and have been following this story as it broke online. I think it is overwhelmingly sad for those girls. Instead of being dragged into the national spotlight, they should have been allowed to live somewhere without their abuser and receive as much counseling as they needed. Instead, they were likely forced to "forgive" Josh because God had, and thus, never were really given the ability to seek justice or truly heal. And after what I saw in person the time that I met them, I can just say that those girls are all "damaged" goods not because of sexual abuse but because of the way their father systemically reinforces "their place" in this world. It all makes me sick to my stomach.


    • May 27, 2015 / 10:13 am

      I read somewhere both men (the trooper and the "family friend" were molesters.) But clearly there is a lot of false info floating around. Thanks for clearing that up, I've retracted it from my post. As you said, super sad how they treat women in their community!

  4. May 27, 2015 / 10:15 am

    This is where I would love to make an eloquent statement to go along with your eloquent post, but I have nothing to say other than….I KNEW there was a scandal hiding under those long skirts and hair!

  5. May 27, 2015 / 10:18 am

    I'm with you 10000000%. A friend of mine also recently pointed out that these are the same people blasting Bruce Jenner for his transitioning….all the while they are hiding this secret. Bruce Jenner is living his life, not affecting one person. And their son was molesting people. That is disgusting! People in glass houses certainly shouldn't be throwing stones!

  6. May 27, 2015 / 10:36 am

    The whole thing is disgusting. Josh is awful for what it did, but what is even worse (in my opinion) is that his parents didn't do anything about it. What message does/did that send to their daughters – who are the real victims here? I can't imagine feeling like not only do you need to keep quiet about it, but your parents don't seem to care enough to set an example between good and bad. So incredibly sad.

  7. May 27, 2015 / 10:40 am

    I've been processing my thoughts on this issue too. The Duggars have always left me with an uncomfortable feeling. Something just never felt right or genuine about them to me. I feel so bad especially for the sisters who had to live in fear in their own home. I'm not one to preach about how many kids one should have..but I think this is a case where it's safe to say when you have that many children it's IMPOSSIBLE to know what's going on with all of them. Clearly, Josh took advantage of that. The Duggars have always been ones to cast their glass house is breaking.

  8. May 27, 2015 / 10:46 am

    this whole story makes me so sad for that entire family…including josh (to a degree). they are so sheltered and don't know anything except what their parents teach them. the fact that his parents knew about it and did nothing about it but according to the police reports I read "reprimanded him" only to have it still going on a year later. and then at that point, the parents decide to confide in members of their church. that's fine if that's the way you want to cope with it…but that shouldn't be the only thing you do. you can't just pray this away. then they send him off for a few months with some guy to "rehab" and he comes back changed. pa-leez. and then once he comes back, jim bob takes him to get a stern "talking to" from a state trooper they know. the state trooper should have reported it immediately. but then again, that state trooper is in jail for 50+ for child porn. which makes me wonder…what other shizz has been going down in this duggar household. i just hope that if something is going on or has gone on that someone that knows whether they are in the family or not, will get the courage to tell someone so it can be handled properly.

  9. May 27, 2015 / 10:47 am

    Thank you so much for posting this. My Facebook feed is currently nothing but support for this family and it is so upsetting to see people not only be "okay" with Josh's and the family's actions, but to continue to stand by them as well. Just yesterday my cousin (who I thought was of sane mind) subscribed to a page that provides updates on the family since apparently the TLC FB page is either no longer in use or on hiatus. I also saw a friend like an article that essentially read, "Well he apologized, so we should forgive him." Heinous and disgusting actions aside, what also kills me is that in his "apology" statement Josh doesn't even apologize to his victims, just his stupid gross self. I also have hard time believing that TLC didn't know about this already given that they have lived with and filmed that family for nearly ten years, and they have stood by them while Jim Bob and Michelle have spouted off anti-gay/LGBT unfriendly sentiments. This is all just super unsettling, and I hope there is some sort of justice and resolution for the victims.

  10. May 27, 2015 / 11:02 am

    this. i don't even need to add anything. you captured it all! well done, girl. xo

  11. May 27, 2015 / 11:17 am

    The thing that surprised me most about this entire situation is how many people were excusing that behavior. I never thought I'd see the day. I was disgusted. No matter his values or what you think of the family at the end of the day it came down to he molested a bunch of little girls and that is horrible and not something that in my mind can or should ever be "Oh well that's alright he's learned his lesson!" away.

  12. May 27, 2015 / 11:20 am

    I had to live in my house with my abuser my brother and my parents are conservative christians when the abuse started I called my grandma she came and got both of us took us home with her. My dad told us that it was never to happen again. Making me feel like I did something wrong. I was so ashamed. 2 months later my mom had to go on a youth retreat leaving me alone with my brother again. I was terrified. I begged my sister to not go. I ended up locking myself in a room because he wouldn't leave me alone. After that time I made sure to never be along with him ever again if I was I was in a locked bed room. Through many years of therapy and trying to move past it this drugger story has rocked me to my core. I am so mad and sad for the victims. Its awful there is no justice that can be serve its just like an awful nightmare that will always be there.

  13. May 27, 2015 / 11:36 am

    I agree with you, maybe 80%. (Apologies in advance for the very long comment that might ensue :).) You're mostly spot on but I thought I'd clarify some things, if you don't mind.

    My mom and I actually were big Duggar fans up until last week. (Now we're like you were: Indifferent.) When this broke out, one of the first things we thought about was, "WHY HAVE SO MANY KIDS THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF AND WATCH OVER?! WHY MUST ALL THE GIRLS & BOYS SLEEP IN "COMMON" ROOMS?" Annnnyways, we strongly believe this situation arose because there wasn't much supervision. Boys, at 14, have craaazy hormones, and it was the parent's job to prevent something like this. (And also to leave the limelight so they could deal with it in peace.)

    – I know no mom could throw their kid under the bus for something like this, so it's probably unfair to say he should've gone to jail. True, the family let the statute of limitations pass, but at the same time, that's a private family matter and the family should have taken better action to remedy this. As an ignorant kid from a repressed and suuuper antiquated family, he needed more help and education (and maybe a dirty magazine, tbh) than jail. Hell, they ALL need to come back from the 1800s.

    – The reports never mention the minors by name so we can't be definitively sure that the sisters were involved. Based on the description of the layout of the house and the location of the victims from the reports, we can guess that some may have been his sisters but still, we can't say, "four were his little sisters" (as much as you and I feel like saying it).

    – Again, this probably didn't need to become a public matter.. Perhaps they really did learn from it (e.g., they started locking the girls' room?), Josh got some type of punishment that's not been disclosed and they all wanted to go on with their lives and move on? Any normal family would at least try to do just that and not let this consume their lives. On that note, about two seasons ago, Josh moved to DC for his new job.. What if the parents just couldn't wait for him to leave the area and he was forced to job-hunt there?

    Lastly, Josie, the youngest Duggar girl, is SUPER attached to Josh; watch any of the most recent episodes and you'll see how close she is to him. Kids know better: If he was a bad guy (let's not assume he did this more times than what was described), she'd run the other way–or at least, the parents wouldn't let her within an in. of him.

    And lastly #2, Idk how InTouch got ahold of this but I do know that the police got involved when they did only after someone read it in a letter that was accidentally left in a book that was loaned to that someone–not because of a victim speaking out.

    My point is this: Sure they act differently, we're all entitled to our opinion, they're beginning to look and sound more like hypocrites for their views, and I also feel bad for the victims, and a homeschooling system they follow(ed) has a creepy rule for dealing w/family abuse, BUT let's not go beyond what the reports have said.

    PS- I know I wouldn't marry–much less have kids with–a man who had done this to little girls so Idk how Anna managed to do this. THAT is also weird. But it's one of those things where it's like, How long should he suffer and get our wrath for?

    • May 27, 2015 / 1:21 pm

      Sometimes lengthy comments are totally necessary, no apologies necessary!

      I thought I read somewhere Josh admitted it was his sisters, but then again there's a lot of stuff floating around. Sisters or not, child abuse is child abuse. And when the majority of the accounts happened in the house, one can only assume.

      As for it not being a public matter and just kept within the family, I gotta disagree here. When someone knowingly breaks the law to this degree, several times, and for a long period of time. It's no longer a private family matter.

      As for kids knowing better. Man I wish so badly this was true. But more than 40% of children who are abused are abused relatives, by people they trust and love. And this percentage is probably way off because a lot of abuse goes unreported. The sickest part is a lot of children feel very attached to their abuser, even more so after it happens. Kinda like what you mentioned with Josie and Josh.

      So as you said at the end, have I probably gone beyond what reports have said? Yea, I probably have. I tend to do that with child molesters.

      And that creepy rule for dealing with family abuse is super sad 🙁 Almost makes it seem like the victims are at fault.

      Thanks for your comment, I really like to see all opinions on a matter like this.

    • May 27, 2015 / 1:47 pm

      I don't really think that when you molest children, especially your own siblings, that it should be just a family matter. Who is protecting his victims? His parents cared more about protecting him and their image than protecting the children that the abuse happened to. And how do you know this isn't happening to his own children? I don't think you get to molest children, get a slap on the wrist, build some houses and then all is forgiven. There is really no excuse for that behavior and I cannot get behind the he's shelter and doesn't know any better excuse. As much as you say you agree with this post, your comments are very much in support of the Duggar family.

    • May 27, 2015 / 2:50 pm

      "How long should he suffer and get our wrath for?" Um, an infinite time. Forever sounds good to me. To quote Mean Girls, "the limit does not exist."

    • May 27, 2015 / 3:05 pm

      Child molestation isn't something you just do because you're young and hormonal! At 14 you still know molestation is wrong, you know incest is wrong and it doesn't matter that you're full of hormones! If we continue to excuse predators for their messed up actions that are hurting others we will be perpetuating an environment where victims are afraid to come forward.

  14. May 27, 2015 / 12:36 pm

    I think it is so disgusting. I keep seeing articles on my facebook feed about how he should be forgiven because he realized it was wrong and it's in the past but what I don't understand is how he could have done it to begin with. No one "normal" has the urge to molest their younger sisters…it does beyond the ideas of right and wrong-seeing your siblings sexually at all indicates something bigger. As someone who has been taken advantage of sexually I can't imagine being forced to live with and see this person every day…it's so horrible and gross. Maybe I say this out of a bit of spite but I don't believe molesters ever really "get better". There is something wrong with you and arguably "unfixable" if you are willing to harm someone that way.

  15. May 27, 2015 / 1:39 pm

    I grew up in Springdale, not far from the family. It's just saddening that so many people (so many of my high school/college friends never left NWArkansas.) still see nothing wrong with what he did. They either try to make excuses "He didn't know what he was doing" or "He asked God for forgiveness and was given it, that means it's all good and he's cured of his sins"

    The teachings they believe in ask for victims of sexual assault to pray to figure out what happened to cause God to let this happen to them. Did they dress immodestly, did they associate with evil friends? Were they being indecent? It's very much victim blamed situation.

    There is zero accountability. Ive seen people say that well he was 14, all boys have crazy hormones and will attack all boobies they see because it's just their bodies reacting to the hormones or Why were his parents not watching!!

    He was 14 when it came to light and he continued to do it after that for at least a few months. This is not normal behavior. If people believe all boys assault people because they can't keep their hormones under control, then they are the people that scare me about this country the most.

    This should not be kept a family matter, because they've made it quite public their feelings on how homosexuality leads to child molestation. Sweeping shit under the rug because it's a "Family Matter" is what leads to a lot of abuse.

    They kept it a family matter and put their daughters at risk. (And yes, it was his sisters.)

    In their beliefs, 14 is practically an adult. Josh married at 20, 5-6 years after molesting his sisters and a family friend. He was not a young boy that didn't know what he was doing. He waited for his victims to be sleeping when he knew they would not be fully capable of defending themselves.

    It doesn't matter if they have common sleeping areas, you don't molest your siblings because you're in the same room and it scares me that so many people think this was why he did this. He preyed on them. It wasn't until one of them had the courage to speak out did he stop. He didn't ask for forgiveness because he knew it was wrong. He didn't go to God because he was stumbling. He did it because he got caught. That is it.

    There were many failings in this situation. Josh should have had more outlets to deal with his sexual urges. Not all boys molest people, if they do there is something wrong with them. The girls shouldn't have to worry about their brother assaulting them.

    He should have sought help at Vista Hospital, this was urged. They have a good program for teenage sexual predators. And yes, he is a sexual predator. He preyed on these girls for his own sexual gratification.

    The fact asking God for forgiveness absolves him of any wrongdoing is sick and those supporting him are the reason so many sexual predators get away with abusing others.

    • May 27, 2015 / 4:58 pm

      I don't even need to make my own comment, I'll just 100% agree with this one.
      Couldn't have said it better.

  16. May 27, 2015 / 1:43 pm

    This family has always been strange to me. I've never watched a single episode of their show, nor seen them on any talk shows. The most I've learned is from magazine covers and social media references. The ways of life by which they live has never made sense to me, but I've always adhered to the "Live and let live" mentality.

    This though. This is not okay. Sick, disgusting, hypocritical and downright repulsive describes their situation for me. I do not agree with supporting Josh or their family because wrong is wrong and sexual abuse is wrong. I am horrified to think of what else they have hidden under the rug.

  17. May 27, 2015 / 1:45 pm

    At first when I saw the title of your post in my feed I was nervous that you were going to go on a rant FOR the Duggars. I'm so glad I was wrong! I've read that Josh (as a minister or whatever he is) has been quoted as saying that all transsexuals are child molesters–and then it turns out he is one himself. I've also read plenty of comments on the Internet from people saying, "We do not judge" in defense of the family…but this family judges like it's their job! (Again, the quote about transsexuals, their hatred of gay people…)

    This family and the people who blindly defend them make me sick. Ugh.

    • May 27, 2015 / 1:53 pm

      He's not a minister exactly but was a lobbyist for the Family Research Council. He very heavily lobbies against equal rights. His mother, recorded a robo-call for Fayetteville residents urging them to repeal anti discrimination acts that allowed transgendered people to use the restroom of their identity because she said this would allow little girls to be molested in public restrooms.

  18. May 27, 2015 / 1:52 pm

    This is just awful. I have purposely stopped reading/watching/listening to anything about the Duggars. But what I can't wrap my mind around is how Anna feels. She has kids with him. Like, what does he do to them? Has he tried anything? I would start questioning everything he has ever told her if it were me, because that is never OK. And I can't believe he did that to HIS SISTERS! So terrible and awful.

    • May 27, 2015 / 1:57 pm

      She apparently knew about it for a couple years before marrying him. That just scares me.

    • May 27, 2015 / 2:51 pm

      Right? Honestly, if someone I was dating (or "courting", whatever) told me he had molested kids when he was younger, I would have instantly been like, "BYE", and never looked back. I can't fathom how someone could know about this, and willingly have kids with someone like this… It's like asking for trouble. 🙁

  19. May 27, 2015 / 2:50 pm

    There are just so, so many things wrong with this whole situation. I've been reading a bit more about their religious beliefs, how they grew up, etc., and it's crazy to me, because in a lot of ways, I had a similar upbringing. I was homeschooled all the way through high school, SUUUPPER sheltered, went to an Evangelical church who believed in a lot of the same notions to which the Duggars and company subscribe… But despite all that nonsense, I literally cannot wrap my head around the people who are defending this guy, and anyone in this family, except the actual victims of the abuse. Covering up shit like this? Allowing him to continue hanging around the girls, even after you KNOW what he did to them? Deliberately sticking your head in the sand but rationalizing it with stupid comments like, "He prayed about it, and God forgives him, so everybody else has to just forgive him and forget about it and what is the big deal you guys, he already got forgiveness from God and it was probably those crazy little girls' fault anyway"? That literally makes me sick.

    Child molestation is child molestation, the world around. It's one of the most black and white things on the planet – there is literally no gray area here whatsoever. How people manage to justify shit like this to themselves, all while hiding behind their religion, is beyond me. Like I said, I grew up very similarly, and there is just no way in the world something like this would fly in my community. It's disgusting and deplorable.

    Thanks for speaking out about it. More people need to be standing up and saying this guy, his family who protected him, everyone who knew about it and didn't say anything, are all wrong, and complicit in what happened, instead of acting like it's just no big deal. You can't pray stuff like this away.

  20. May 27, 2015 / 3:19 pm

    I feel sorry for the victims and the victims only. I think really poorly of the parents who covered up for their son. I know you want to protect your own, but not in a case like this. Never in a case like this. I speak from experience. And these people are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites after the horrible things they've said against gays and lesbians when they had a known child molestor in their family. Ugh!

  21. May 27, 2015 / 3:31 pm

    You pretty much nailed my thoughts on it all. It's horrible and sad and disgusting and another example of how society focuses on the abuser rather than the victims that are going to have to re-live the experiences for the rest of their lives.

  22. May 27, 2015 / 4:03 pm

    I don't feel bad for the parents or for Josh in this case. AT ALL. But I'm also not laughing and jeering and saying "OOOOH, it serves them right!" Because what happened is horrible and I'm really angry about it.

  23. May 27, 2015 / 4:15 pm

    I've always loved watching the Duggars. They seem like good people and I love keeping up with their weddings and babies, but their religious views are a bit much for me. I was always rooting for one of them to grow up with different beliefs and have their own opinions. To me, they all seem a little brainwashed at times. I want someone to rebel haha

    As for this situation, I think it's horrible and disgusting that it was kept quiet for so long. Another blogger made a good point though. The Duggars don't talk about sex in their home. I'm not taking his side in any way, but how would you know these things are wrong unless someone talked to you about it? They don't watch television, they don't talk about sex, they don't go to public school or have "normal" friends. They have no way of learning about these things. They're pretty clueless. I hope the girls had counseling for this at some point and I hope their parents didn't punish them for it as well. They did nothing wrong in this situation.

    • May 28, 2015 / 11:28 am

      but then why did he wait until they were asleep? If he had no idea it was wrong, why did he hide it?

  24. May 27, 2015 / 4:51 pm

    WOW I hadn't heard of this, but I definitely was indifferent before. That's probably what avoiding the topic of sex does to a family.. not necessarily molestation, but makes it hard to understand right from wrong. What a mess.

  25. May 27, 2015 / 6:14 pm

    My mom sent me the article when it first broke and I was really horrified. I can say that I have watched the show out of pure curiosity and at times, just head-shaking disbelief at some of the things they believe. I wanted to read all the comments before responding but honestly I can't feel any type of remorse for Josh because there really is no excuse. Kids are taught from a young age that "private parts are private". I find it hard to believe something so basic has never come up with all of those kids over so many years. I can't accept any excuse, especially hormonal, that a 14-year old couldn't control his urges around females. That's the biggest load of crap, otherwise we'd be living in a world of uncontrollable teenage boy molesters. That actually makes me angry that people could defend him as such. I also can't support a family that leaves a molester with the victims, that shows no protection for those girls. Just watching the show before this, it always made me sad watching older children raising the younger children in the "buddy system". You either have enough time to take care of your kids, or you're overstretched, and clearly this was a huge downfall not completely separating them to make sure the sisters felt safe away from their brother. It actually makes me so disgusted and angry that I need to stop typing so my blood pressure can go down 🙂

  26. May 27, 2015 / 9:45 pm

    Its just sad they swept it under the rug like nothing happened. I've never been much of a fan or the least bit interested in them.

  27. May 28, 2015 / 12:46 am

    As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the past week has been very difficult.I thought I was done with it a really, really long time.

    I hate that these young women are being victimized again, forced to deal now with increasingly complex layers of emotional processing. At the same time, I am sure that they must be feeling some relief – imagine carrying the weight of that abuse, the fear of discovery, the pain of not being able to own their own stories, make their own meanings of what happened to them. What agony the constant worry must have been.

    It makes my blood boil every time I read Josh or his wife or his family saying he "made a mistake." A repeated behavior is not a mistake; it is a conscious decision. Josh made a choice; just like his family made a choice. They reap the consequences of those choices now…even if it isn't at the hands of the law (which by the way? Those church officials? Mandated reporters in almost every state. That trooper? A mandated reporter. I'm threatened with losing my teaching license if I don't report but somehow it's OK for them to subvert their duties?)

    it breaks my heart that the choice the Duggars made was to send a message to their daughters that they don't matter…at least not as much as their abuser matters. By virtue of their gender. That their pain paled in comparison to the need to protect the family image and the golden child eldest son.

    it makes me furious when I read comments from Duggar supporters that say because it was "just fondling" it is somehow excusable – like, oh you weren't REALLY abused because you were just touched. You weren't *penetrated*.

    Both of things send a terrible, terrible message to our daughters and younger sisters. We tell them that their abuse is nothing and means nothing and that they have little value in comparison to a man. It multiplies their shame and creates more silence….because it was really nothing (as "inexcusable" as it was) and I have no value.

    I never watched the show – seemed too narrow to be my thing and it was just too odd for me. I'm glad the show is gone.

  28. September 10, 2015 / 10:41 pm
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