When Old-Me Becomes New Years-Me

You know what 2019-me needs? A new flatware organizer! I think to myself as I stand in the organizer aisle at Target day-dreaming about all of the ways I’m going to organize and improve my “new life” in 2019. I am going to do all the things and accomplish SO MUCH, it’s not even funny.

I toss the organizer into my cart along with all of the other new shiny products that are going to change my life this year.

Fancy new hangers. Wrinkle cream. Wrinkle spray. A variety pack of tea! (I don’t drink tea, but I sure love the idea of it.) A bedside humidifier. Coconut oil. Coconut vitamins. Coconut face masks. A grapefruit for the fresh grapefruit potpourri I’m going to make. New manicure set. A garage floor scrubber. I don’t have a garage, but I’m sure I could find someone’s to scrub.

And every green vegetable the store has to offer.

2019-me LOVES green vegetables. Never mind that every-other-year-me doesn’t really like vegetables in general, this year is different. I eat brussels, and broccoli, kale, spinach, lettuce, green beans, green peppers, green grass, green trees, green wallpaper, if it’s green I basically invented it.

Because I have new vegetable recipes I saved on Instagram and Pinterest! Did you hear that? I’m a health food blogger/chef now.

It’s kinda crazy how much 2019-me is killing it. I’m so proud of myself I already want to drink some wine to toast my accomplishments. But shit, I’m doing dry January. I mean I plan to, anyway. Well, it starts today because I had a New Years boozy brunch yesterday. (But it was a holiday so rules don’t count.)

Actually, it starts tomorrow because I’m going to a comedy show tonight. But TOMORROW. Dry-ish January is fully underway. (On the weekdays.) Like Monday-Wednesday, or through Tuesday, I’m not sure yet. I don’t want to restrict myself too hard, you know? It’s all about moderation.

Back to shopping. Stay focused.

The face lotion aisle tempts me, as it always does. I’m very into my new 2019 skin care routine. It’s a three hour endeavor (that involves my new humidifier, bathing in coconut oil, and a rain dance) but I can already tell it’s going to work wonders. Which is good, because in 2019 I get up every morning by 5:00 a.m. to run 15 miles and write 15,000 pages in my book and all of that fun stuff. Maybe I should change it to 4:00 a.m.? That seems more like something 2019-me would do. She’s so motivated it’s kinda crazy, but I admire it. Me, I mean. I admire me.

Let’s see what else here… what else do I need to buy to become 2019 me…

Seeds! Seeds are on my list. Chia seeds or hemp seeds? Or was it seeds for my new indoor garden which will promote clean air, clean recipes, and clean thoughts? Hmmm. Better grab all three to play it safe.

The chia seeds are for the healthy energy-inducing smoothies I’m going to make every morning in 2019. I feel healthier already.

Smoothies for breakfast. Parfaits for lunch. And fish or plant-based meat for dinner!

In my cart I have cod, halibut, tilapia and every fake meat option the store offers. I’m heading to the special market next to buy sushi grade tuna and salmon for the poke bowls I’m going to make. Maybe I should open a poke restaurant?!

I’m so inspiring, I think to myself as I stand up a little straighter and push my shoulders back. I should probably teach a cooking class in 2019. And a posture class! Did I mention I’m working on my posture this year? I am. It’s very important to me. If you’d like some hints, I’d be happy to help. I’m not like an expert on it by any means, but I’ve seen drastic changes in my breathing and all around health since I started my new practice yesterday. It’s really a shame more people don’t understand the power of sitting up straight.

Note to self: start a blog newsletter on posture. 

Second note to self: teach a course on newsletters. and posture whilst writing newsletters.

Before I leave the garden aisle I grab a bucket and a hose. For my new water drinking habit, of course! My goal is to drink ten large buckets of water a day. Or maybe I should just buy a children’s size swimming pool to drink from? That seems like it would be more efficient. I can’t see any in sight because it’s January and not summer, but I’ll look on amazon later when I’m online shopping tonight for 100 new pairs of sneakers for all the marathons I’m probably going to run. Triathlons too! And Iron Man competitions. I don’t see why not. I’m so active in 2019 it only makes sense to win awards, as well.

Thirty minutes later and I’m back at home unloading groceries.

I still have to make my protein balls, handmade bar soap, and roll my own toilet paper in the next hour but I’m feeling really positive about everything thus far. 2019 already feels like a breath of fresh air. Or perhaps that’s the freezing air rushing in from our front balcony doors which are flung wide open? (No time like today to get those windows clean. The snow blowing in will help clean the floors.)

Gotta go now!

Cheers to day two of an open book! New beginnings. A clean slate. Fresh start. Endless possibilities. Lots to do. So much opportunity. Get to it. Get it, girl. Get it, get it, get it.



I’m get-






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